I hope I can start having s** with men soon. Its all I want now.

Ex wife and I are still off and on again lovers because we were married so long that it was difficult for each of us especially at our ages to go back into the meat grinder of seeking a relationship or lover. So for nearly a year she was dropping in for a quickie or a few hours or the ocxasional overnighter for comfortable heated (if a bit basic vanilla) s**. Then it dwindled off and stopped for a while as she occasional found one night stands or quick fucks, while I got my bare minimum needs handled by prostitutes (some of which were mild to h******** d********* for a specific subset of indirectly, not quite s***** needs/quirks of mine). But after a few months it resumed sporadically and then became pretty frequent, and to this day, several years later, it is usually a few times a month. While i am far more diverse and open minded, the basic s** for both of us was and continues to be very enjoyable. Despite our past self protection and hidden facets, we are more open and honest now than then. She is open about being with anyone other than me as i am with her, and she has been exhibiting a level of enjoyment about both relaying hers and hearing mine in the moment. As we come down from a very comfortable afterglow, we have even managed to find a place where we can talk openly and comfortably about experiences with others in calm moments. I am not bragging about this nor do i think it is totally healthy or sane, i actually fully realize the level of insanity and toxicity of our admitted addiction to each other on a strictly s***** basis. My real point to saying all this is that the visibility of her visits, quick or overnight (and in a few rare instances entire weekends) to my nearest neighbors, leads to the usual amount of neighborhood gossip. And on a couple of occasions when the activities were partially visible because they were on my deck or in the grass of my back yard, it was the talk of the surrounding blocks. Fortunately i am not surrounded by prudes who would call the cops despite the generally older age of most of the couples in the neighborhood. I found out we had been seen once because a neighbor’s wife made a sly teasing comment one day while i was mowing that my ex ans i had inspired her and her husband to add outdoor activities to their intimate bucket list as soon as they could find a comfortable location. I smiled and surprised her by saying they were welcome to use my back yard. Not that they have taken me up on the offer yet. I actually told my ex wife later we had been seen and let’s just say that the unrealized exhibitionism was a serious boost to her climaxes that day. She even managed to get the words out that she wants us doing more outside on the deck and in the grass, but she could only nod vigorously but not look me in the eye when i suggested we give the next door couple a heads up so they could plan to watch and make it a combined voyeurism/exhibitionism experience. Hopefully that is a near future experience. But to the ultimate point….the public recognition of these interludes with my ex wife is a very important and very core component of why i am able to be a secret unsuspected neighborhood source of oral pleasure to multiple men in the neighborhood, without suspicion of my natural dual instincts. The neighborhood men who come to me to receive oral pleasure know among themselves because it is a very discreet and highly valued/respected outlet dor them and none of them want to lose it. While it takes a few different forms in the details based on which of the men it is, they all are very considerate and respectful of my life and visibility and boundaries as well because they get the best i have to give and they also know that i enjoy it as much if not more than they do for my own multiple reasons. It works on mutual consideration courtesy discretion and respect. And yes my ex wife knows. Sometimes she will even tease me about not tasting it when the doors close and our deep kissing begins. Once not long ago she talked about it during our intimacies, and after even admitted it was something part of her wanted to watch some time but part of her does not. She knows i will not put her at risk in any way. Her comfort and acceptance of it is such that one night in the wee hours of the morning as she slept still, i was wide awake and wanting more but respected her sleep. I went out back for a few cigarettes while i got my inflamed libido under control, and when i went back to her she was awake and said that as long as i was not on my knees in the shed servicing a man she was ready for more….i simply let her kiss me very deeply so she could verify i had not just let a man spill his seed in my mouth. It led to a very slow paced and intense exchange between us that frankly was far more emotional for me than i was able to handle for a lot of reasons i could not explain to her even though i tried. She actually let a form of something maternal shine through, and said she understood what i was feeling and had her own version of it as well, then gently but insistently pushed my head to ber breast and held me thru the night as i dozed and suckled thru the rest of the night. She woke me the next morning to tell me she had changed her plans for the day so we could shower then lose ourselves in each other’s bodies. When she did finally leave that evening she confessed she wanted to stay overnight again, that perhaps she was only now realizing how my own hunger constantly burned. She even asked me to lean through her car window and kissed me breathless, then held my gaze and told me that she understood my needs and she did not expect or want me to stop kneeling for men on her account. And then she was gone. I did not see her for another two weeks. During those two weeks she texted casually several times, a couple of times teasing me about whether i had been on my knees that day. I told her honestly when i had and she respondes that she was glad for me. It surprised me when she asked a few days in advance if it would be possible to give her an entire weekend again even saying she did not want me to go without doing what she knew i enjoyed and did not want to be so selfish that one of my “oral groupies” go without. I assured her that i would absolutely clear the weekend plate for her and her alone and that weekend cannot be described in terms of passionate and relentless immersion in carnality and mutual savoring of bare male and female flesh between my ex wife and i. And of course the neighbors noticed and afterward a few of the men i give my mouth to told me tbey simply did not understand how i could so enjoyably give them what they got and have either the energy or orientation that my ex wife and i had as well. It is not something i give any thought to. Only one man crossed a line on that though when in the middle of my time on my knees for him he started talking about what the exchanges with my wife were like in detail and wanted me to talk vividly about it to him as i stroked him to finish on my face and even said he wanted to watch us in bed. I greatly enjoy getting a facial from either a man or my ex wife but i got way pissed off without expecting it and stopped and told him to piss off and never come back if he ever dared say an y thhing like that again. Apparently word spread low key as other men in the coming days told me that they had all gotten into him that they had their own issues with what he had done and that he would have real problems if he stupidly screwed it all up for everyone. I took it as a blend of courtesy to me and selfishness on their part but each man who came to my shed in the days after got even more and better from me without realizing why or what it meant to me. That jerk did straighten up and earned shed time back. I suppose at the end of the day it is only my ex wife or i that have to understand all this about me. But in the last couple of weeks she has come over a little more frequently than before and not for a quickie. But it does definitely mask the part of me that relishes being in the shed on my knees from outside eyes…..from the diary of a closet neighhorhood cocksucker.