I think letting this out is going to make me feel better. I hope so.
I was seeing a couple of different guys (I am a guy, too) and because one of them wouldn’t let go of his ex (if we were in the same place, he would act very distant from me) I chose to be with the other guy. However, guy number one was intelligent, owned his own business, drove a nice car, had a great house in the country, was well-traveled, and had a body that I lusted after. The other guy was a drunk, not that attractive, had no car, a minimum wage job, bad credit, and lied to me about having a driver’s license when he didn’t. I have been with the other guy now for almost 12 years and in that time he has verbally abused me more than I can say. He has kept me up at night worrying where he is.
He told me he doesn’t love me any more. We never have s**. The first s** I have had in about four years happened when I took a business trip this year and I hooked up with a guy from Craigslist. I still think about guy number one and how my life may have been different. I imagine I will still be with guy 2 when the 13th year rolls around. His family tells me I have been good for him, but they don’t know the things I have been through. I guess I have stopped caring for myself. But, I keep going, hoping things will be better tomorrow. Maybe not with this “relationship”, but in other ways. I wish I could be happy and loved and needed.
Thank you for reading.
