I stop myself from crying and telling you how much I want you to reassure me. Today I know I made you annoyed, I cant do this honestly. I cant pretend I am fine all the time. But I know if I show what I really feel you will leave me. Sometimes I think maybe I should end it myself before you cheat on me again.
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Sounds like you have some insecurity issues. Why do you need reassurance? Stop pretending, it’s not good to live a lie. Did he tell you he was cheating? Or did you find out on your own?