I dated two people seriously at once, because I didn’t care about their feelings, and then I fell in love with one, Sam.
Instead of letting the lie be known, I decided to pretend I had never dated the second guy, Ned. Unfortunately, one of our good mutual friends (Kevin) was scheduled to move in with me and my housemates. I told Kevin that our house didn’t pass inspection, kicking him out a few weeks before move-in and forcing him to find new housing. Meanwhile, I found a grad student in craigslist to take his place. I told my housemates that Kevin, our original future housemate, had just backed out at the last minute. I am no longer friends with Ned or Kevin, and since my housemates are mad at Kevin for “backing out”, no one has found out about my secret relationship with Ned.
I am still dating Sam.
All Comments
Well… you could keep it a secret forever, but it sounds like this will likely come to bite you in the ass in the long run. I doubt that your housemates/friends will remain mad at Kevin forever. Eventually someone will talk to him and find out about you lying to him about the house. Once he realizes that, he’ll likely connect the dots and find out that you were trying to keep the relationship secret. Or he may never connect the dots and may just assume that you were open with Sam about dating Ned and just mention it casually.
If you honestly think that there might be a long term future with Sam, let him know that you were dating someone else during the start of your relationship, but that you ended it because you realized that you loved him and only him. He will be mad. He might even leave you. Just tell him that you realized that it was wrong, that you only wanted him, and that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to keep you together: even go to therapy if needed.
I might have otherwise said to keep it quiet, but since Kevin is good friends with so many of your roommates it’s unlikely that they’ll never talk to him ever again. Just be prepared for the day he shows back up in the picture.