The Fireworks have burnt out and so ends this years 4th of July more like the 4th of July From Hell.

What should have been a celebration of America’s 250th Birthday felt more like a 250 Pound Headache after all of the chaos that ensued.

Jim and Jerry were arguing over their burgers as Jerry says Jim’s burgers look like s*** and Jim says Jerry can’t cook a burger if his life depended on it.

Then Jerry Burns his burger and flips out and turns over the table saying I CAN’T COOK A F****** BURGER ON THIS P************ GRILL.”

Jim Said “That’s all you ever do Jerry is throw a tantrum when you don’t get your f****** way.”

Jerry Yells Back “because all you do is make my life miserable Jim.”

“You do it to yourself JERRY.”

“SHUT THE F*** UP JIM.”

Jim then takes a cocktail weenie and tells him Jerry’s P**** is smaller than this weenie and he pushes Jim and knocks over the grill and Jim tackles Jerry to the table that Jerry flipped over and the two engage in an all out brawl.

Then their father shows up to seperate them but Jim and Jerry wanted to fight as both Jimmy and Jerry were rolling on the floor punching eachother while their father and several others tried to seperate them.

Their Father told them both that he if they want to fight so goddamn bad than go put on dress up like Women and fight in the pool full of Jello that Kimbnerly and Jennifer are gonig to fight in too.

While that was being set up the pool was being occupied by these 4 Heffer b******, one of them with a cigarette in her hand smoking in the pool her name was Betty but Icall her Smokin Betty.

There was also a splash pad by the pool where all of the kids were playing in since the pool was being taken up by Smokin Betty and her fatass friends.

I asked Smokin Bettywho does her fatass think she is smokin cigarettes in my pool with the rest of her fatass friends.

Smokin Betty flings her cigarette in my face and I told her to get her skanky fatass out of my pool.

Then Arthur showed up Naked and started to have s** with the Picnic Table giving a hot dog a blow jub and having his p**** in the umbrella hole and squiritng mustard like he was having an o***** and then Mustard squirted on Louise who was having flashbacks to her appearence on the Maury Povich show from 20 Years Ago where she confronted her phobia of mustard.

Louise was having a tantrum after getting covered in Mustard just like the time she quit her job at Burger King after lying about not having mustard and telling customers to go to McDonalds.

But Louise wasn’t the onl former Maury Povich guest we dusted up.

The Pickle Jar went missing and here comes MAria the Pickle Girl who had a phobia of Pickles and was once a waitress at a diner.

Then Matthew brought the pickle jar back and when we served the hamburgers the pickles looked lumpy and stunk worse than how pickles are supposed to smell.

My Boss put a pickle on his hamburger took a bite and started to gag.

The turds were Matthew’s turds he fished out of the toilet and collored green from the Jello Shots and he put his s*** in the pickle jar to serve as a prank as Matthew started laughing.

Matthew said Did you like your Turdburger?

My Boss threw his turdburger at Matthew and then Bob s*** his pants after eating the Hot Wings and my Boss asked Bob to bend over and said his asscheeks were more spoiled than his milk and said his asscheeks looked more lumpy than the tapioca pudding.

My Boss than started to wipe Bob’s tapioca pudding looking a**, while Bob’s Daughter called him Daddy Doo Doo Pants and getting everyone to chant it, and then Matthew took a firecracker, lit the fuse and shoved it in Bob’s a** and then Bob farted the moment the fuse was lit causing an expolosion of s*** all over my back porch.

Then here comes Cousin Fred wearing a Cowboy Hat, a Vest, no shirt underneath, assless chaps, no pants underneath, a patriotic thong, and those God Awful Cowboy Boot Sandals with the bottoms completely removed as he is the Drunk Barefoot Cowboy drinking a bottle of Bud light, riding a horse head on a stick toy rubbing it against his g*******, and smelling his f****** feet in front of everyone.

Fred then begins to pole dance on the flag pole removing his vest and chaps as he then squirts barbecue sauce on his chest, licks his finger tips and rubbed his n****** and then placed his hands behind his head, swiveled his hips and said in a s***** voice KAREN.

Then I threw a turd out of the pickle jar at him and he retaliates by standing on the table, walking on the table, and putting his disgusting feet in everyone’s food.

I then sprayed ready whip on his face, stood on the table to kick him in the balls but then Bob s*** his pants again.

There comes Smokin Betty blowing a puff of cigarette smoking telling me “to not touch her man only she is allowed to play with his balls and s*** his toes.”

I yelled “Hey Smokin Betty Crocker why don’t you go wrap yourself in flour and make yourself into a skank biscuit.”

Betty than throws the Potato salad at me and I squirt ketchup on her and Betty climbs on the table and the fight was on as we started slappnig and pulling eachother’s hair and ccaused the table to collapse.

Then as I was grabbing betty by her unwashed hair, Fred shoved his bare feet inside of Bob’s a** and began to wipe Bob’s dirty a** with his own feet.

Fred then took his bare andf s*** covered feet and began to smell his f****** feet in front of everyone as My Boss fainted.

Then someone brings a Horse to the Cookout as Fred admits he had s** with the horse and then began to kiss the horse and then had the Horse lick the potato salad off of his bare feet to everyone’s disgust.

Then here coems Chad in his underwear and socks with a boombox playing “It Wasn’t Me by Shaggy” and began to do a headspin dance in his underwear.

Then here comes Brandon weariung a banana suit, grabbed the bananas meant for the Banana Split and began to dance with Bananas.

Then Brandon took off the banana suit wearing a yellow thong and then unpeeled a banana, squirted chocolate syrup on himself and did a split with his legs.

Chad then stopped dancing and took his socks and gave Brandon a f****** to smush the banana and chococlate syrup began squiritng everywhere.

Speaking of Chocolate an inflateable pool not being occupied by Smokin Betty was filled with chocolate pudding as Jennifer and Kimberly showed up wearing patriotic bikinis arguing over who slept with who’s boyfriend.

Kimberly said that Jennifer was sleeping with her boyfriend and called Jennifer a s***.

Jennifer called Kimberly a skank just like her fatass mama Smokin Betty.

They then grabbed their hair and fell into the pudding and the catfight was on with Kimberly and Jennifer who were pulling eachother’s hair and wrestling in pudding.

Then Jim comes back wearing an oversized black dress dress, a black wig, silk stockings, high heels, and lipstick modeling for everyone.

Then here comes Jerry wearing a blonde wig, red lipstick, a red dress with sequins, nylon stockings, and high heels.

Jim and Jerry started modeling until the shgouting, arguing, insults, and wigs were thrown.

Jerry told Jim hs man t*** looks as saggy as his wife’s.

Jim said Jerry’s d*** is smalelr than Smokin Betty’s cigarettes.

Then her ecomes the fists as both Jim and Jerry began to brawl and fell right into the pool of pudding along with Kimberly and Jennifer and Me and Smokin Betty as we were all getting covered in chocolate pudding.

Then the sound of “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT A RUSH!” Can be heard as here comes George roaring in our direction on his Harley Davidson wearing facepaint, lipstick, spiked shoulder pads, pantihoes, and high heels as h crashes his motorcycle right throught the kitchen door crashinmg into the kitchen causing the smoke alarms to go off.

Then Walk by Pantera plays and here comes The Videomaster, S** Sugar, Gary Mercury, Checkmate, Hang Ten, Will Wonderful, The Dewey Brothers, T-Bone Stanley, Freddie Flash, and PimpDawg to the barbecue bringing weapons for THE GREAT AMERICAN BASH.

Then Finn Wolfhard, Logan Kim, Joe Keery, Gaten Matarazzo, Noah Schnapp, Caleb McGloughin, Asher Angel, Jack Dylan Grazer, Chandler Riggs, and Austin Abrams for an all out backyard brawl.

Before the brawl began Gary Mercyry introduced everyone to his girlfriend Moppy the Mop which was a mop with a face glued onto it as he shoved the Mop into his pants and gave himself a b****** with the Mop.

The Backyard Boneheads and Degeneration-Z were having a Tug of War with a Texas Bullrope but then Steven threw a blank VHS Tape with a lit firecracker ducktapped to it and threw it at Logan Kim’s face causing them all to fall.

Finn Wolfhard yelled “you cheating a******” as he charged at the Videomaster and the fight was on between the Backyard Boneheads and Degeneration-Z as an all out brawl began to destroy my property.

Joe Keery was hitting Freddie Flash with a trash can.

Caleb McGloughin climbed on top of my car and did a flying cross body onto PimpDawg and knocked over my bird bath.

Hang Ten took his surf board and whacked Austin Abrams only for Chandler Riggs to dropkick Hang Ten into the Pool in front of Smokin Betty’s heffer club.

Checkmate then hit Chandler Riggs with a checkers board and then attempted to hit Logan Kim only for Finn Wolfhard to throw my good lawn chair and hit Checkmate and then The videomaster with a vandaminator kicked my lawnchair into Finn Wolfhard’s face.

Than Gaten Matarazzo and Logan Kim grabbed my good ladder and hit the Video master with it and then set it up and both began climbing my ladder and then they both did a double flying dropkick onto The Videomaster and S** Sugar.

Then Noah Schnapp took one of my light tubes and smahed Will Wonderful in the head.

Will Wonderful than hit Noah Schnapp in the head with one of my lightbulbs and slammed his head against my garage door.

Then T-Bone Stanley, T-Bone Suplexes Chandler Riggs through one of the Patio Tables and then Austin Abrams grabbed one of my dining room chairs and smashed T-Bonme Stanley in the head only to get Flash kicked by Freddie Flash.

Joe Keery then hit a running lariat onto Freddie Flash and then S** Sugar hits a running bulldog onto Joe Keery landing in the pudding where Kimberly and Jennifer were still fighting in messing up Joe Keery’s hair.

Gaten Matarzzo then grabbed a chair and hit S** Sugar with it and the fight was on there.

Asher Angel and Jack Dylan Grazer were fighting the Dewey Brothers in my house as Dustin slammed Asher’s head into George’s motorcycle.

George decided to join in on Jim and Jerry’s Evening Gown Match.

Jack Dylan Grazer climbed on top of my refrigerator as Asher placed Dustin Dewey on my Kitchen Table and then Jack did a Frog Splash off of my refriggerator putting Dustin Dewey through my kitchen table.

Cody Dewey hit Asher Angel with a 2 by 4 and body slammed him on top of my kitchen counter and poured a galaon of diet coke into his mouth, then a mentos and then ASher began to vomit coke all over my kitchen but spit right in Cody Dewey’s face as they continued to brawl only for Gary Mercury to slam Asher’s head against George’s motorcycle.

Then Finn Wolfhard and Logan Kim were brawling with The Videomaster and Checkmate inside my living room.

Logan Kim jumped off of my couch and hit a senton onto checkmate while The Videomaster and Finn Wolfhard were brawling and knocked over my new fish tank.

Then Noah Schnapp and Will Wonderful started brawling in my living room as Noah hit Will with a picture frame of me and Jim during our Aniversary and thenWill Wonderful hit Noah Schnapp with an encyclopedia from the bookshelf and then took the cheesegrather that I previously used for the cookout and grinded Noah Schnapp’s face.

Then Jim and Jerry crashed into the sliding doors still brawling and rolling around on the kitchen floor and here comes George now wearing a bra and p****** making it a 3 was brawl between three men wearing women’s underwear on the kitchen floor.

Caleb McGloughin and PimpDawg were exchanging punches in my kitchen as PimpDawg irish whipped Caleb into my refrigerator than opened my refrigerator and hit Caleb with a 6 pack of Coke causing Coke to spray out of the cans and all over my kitchen.

Pimpdawg then grabeed one of my good baking pans to hit him with byt Caleb swung with my rolling pin and hit PimpDawg in the face and then he climbed on top of my kitchen counter and did a moonsault off of my counter onto PimpDawg.

Back outside Both Asher Angel and Jack Dylan Grazer were laid out on a table as Gary Mercury was climbing up the roof of the house.

Then Gary’s ex girlfriend Terry shows up and was holding Moippy hostage saying “Hey dumbass remember when you broke up with me for this stupid Mop.

Gary says “B**** let go of my Moppy” as Terri began teasing Gary with Moppy the Mop and then Chandler Riggs and Austin Abrams helped get Asher Angel and Jack Dylan Grazer off the table while Joe Keery snuck up from behind and and pushed Gary Mercury off the roof sending him crashing through the table.

Down below Gaten Matarazzo had a hold of a steel chair and was about to bash S** Sugar until S** Sugar threw Baby Powder in Gaten’s face and then he grabbed Gaten by the arm and hoisted him over his shoulders as S** Suger applied the Torture Rack on Gaten Matarazzo.

Seeing his little brother being bent like a wishbone; Joe Keery did a diving crossbody off of the roof landing on S** Sugar and knocking Gaten across the table causing his shoes to fly off of his feet.

Fred then goes over to Gaten Matarazzo and begins to sniff the boy’s socks and then Fred was about to s*** his toes until Asher and Jack hit Fred with a conchairto to the head calling him a creepy pervert.

Then Asher and Jack took their shoes off and put their socks in Fred’s mouth telling him to s*** on that toejam.

The Dewey Brothers attacked them with 2by4 boards but the Shazam Brothers tookhit them with chairs.

Meanwhile Arthur was still f****** a picnic table and tormenting louise with mustard.

The 4 of them crashed into Arthur’s table causing Arthur to fall off the table with his d*** free from the Umbrella hole as he fell backwards nakjed and squirted mustard right in Louise’s face as she flipped out like that tme on the Maury Povich Show.

Chandler Riggs and Austin Abrams were brawling with Hang Ten and T-Bone Stanley towards the pool area meanwhile me and my friends were engaged in a brawl with Smokin Betty and her Heffer Herd.

Then Jim, Jerry, and George were having a three way brawl and they all fell into the pool as the three were fighting in the pool while Jim and Jerry’s father tried to seperate them yelling “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH” only for me and Smokin bett to knock him into the pool as we both fell in with me having a hold of her cigarette smelling hair.

Then like Dominos my friends and the Heffer Herd all fell into the pool as the pool became a white trash Royal Rumble.

Bob just s*** his pants again and my Boss is at the end of his rope as Bob drops his pants as shitt was covering his a** looking like moldy lumpy gravy over lumpy mashed potatoes.

Then T-Bone Stanley took Austin Abram’s face and shoved it in Bob’s a** as Chandler Riggs took my lounge chair and beat T-‘bone stanley in the head who was giving his fellow Walking Dead castmate a stinkface.

Chandler says “bro if you had wiped s*** on your face you could have survived that last episode” and Austin says “bro I still would have shot you in the eye.”

Hang Ten swun his surf boarrd to whack them and then delivered a wipeout to Chandler Riggs through my Patio Table while Austin Abrams was washing Bob’s s*** off of his face.

He then grabbed Chandler’s legs and put him in a figure four leg lock and then pulled his sneakers off and threw them towards the pool and here comes Fred back as he then sniffs Chandler Riggs’s socks.

Joe Keery came up from behind with his bat from Stranger Things and nailed literally Pimpdawg in the head and helped Chandler up who was now standing in his socks.

Chandler then brought out Lucille as he whacked Pimpdawg in the head with Lucille and then both he and Joe Keery took their bats and hit T-Bone Stanley with their bats.

Gaten Matarazzo gave Chandler back his shoes as they all looked at Fred as he started to make a run for it into the House.

Meanwhile inside Will Wonderful and Noah Schnapp were then fighting on top of a ladder as The Videomaster took out a bag and poured thumbtacks on my dining room table and then The Videomaster his Noah Schnapp’s right knee with a VHS tape as Will Wonderful got Noah into position and gave him the wonderplex from the top of the ladder causing Noah Schnapp to land back first oto dozens of thumbtacks as he winced in pain as both he and Will Wonderful were both out from the Impact.

Caleb McGloughin and Pimpdawg were fighting in my upstairs bathroom.

PimpDawg speared Caleb into my bathtub and was pounding on him before Caleb smacked PimpDawg with a bottle of Head and Shoulders.

Then Pimpdawg threw powder in his face and then started to dunk Caleb McGloughin’s head into the toilet and then he started to unzip his pants and attempted to piss on him only for Caleb to hit PimpDawg in his exposed genetals with a bottle of listerine and then Caleb took a mouthful of listerine and spit it right in Pimpdawg’s face like Tajiri would spit green mist.

Pimpdawg fell backwards into my laundry basket as Caleb pushed the laundry basket with PimpDawg down the steps causing PimpDawg to go rolling into my living room.

Then Finn Wolfhard and Logan Kim where Ghostbustin The Video master and checkmate while also making my living room look like a Demolition Derby as The Ghostbuster Brothers were throwing books off my bookshelf and using framed potos on my walls as weapons to counter the use of blank VHS Tapes and Checkers Boards.

Checkmate took a decorative chessboard and hit Logan Kim in the face and sent him tumbling over the couch as The Videomaster duct tapped a firecracker on a VHS Tape and lit the fuse and hit Finn Wolfhard in the head also sending him tumbling over the couch landing on top of Logan.

The Videomaster and Checkmate unplugged my Samsung 4K TV I got from Best Buy a few years ago and they attempted to toss the tv at the Ghostbusters only for them dodge as my tv smashed onto the floor.

Finn and Logan grabbed my Flower pot and hurled at them as the fight continued knocking over a bookself causing it to fall to the floor.

Checkmate grabbed a Bullrope and tied it around Logan Kim’s neck as The Videomaster hit Finn Woldhard’s left knee with a brick and made him get on his knees.

The Videomaster told Finn Wolfhard that if he surrenders than Logan Kim will not get hung as Checkmate was wrapping that rope around Logan Kim’s neck and knowing how much Logan Kim means to Finn Wolfhard, they was hoping Mike Wheeler would surrender.

But then Fred came in being chased by everyone and they saw Finn on his knees with a rope around Logan’s neck as the actor group ganged up on Checkmate as Caleb McGloughin came sliding down the stair rail with a dropkick on Checkmate.

Asher and Jack delivered a Conchairto to Checkmate causing him to let go of Logan as Finn hits The Videomaster with a low blow and then he hopped on one leg as Joe Keery handed Finn his bat saying “finish the job bud.”

Finn then duct tapped an explosive VHS Tape to Joe’s Bat.

Chandler Riggs then Handed Logan Kim, Lucille saying that “Carl Grimes now passes the torch to Hershel Rhee.” Make Negan proud.

Logan Kim then duct tapped a vhs tape with a fire cracker duct tapped to it as both Ghostbusters lit the fuse and swung their bats and hit the Videomaster with explosive impact.

But Degeneration-Z wasn’t finished yet.

They helped Noah Schnapp to his feet despite looking like a pin cusion as they all laid The Videomaster, S** Sugar, Checkmate, and Will Wonderful on top of my dining room table and then Finn Wolfhard, Logan Kim, Jack Dylan Grazer, and Asher Angel al lclimbed 4 different ladders holding skateboards as it is well documented that these 4 are skaters.

The 4 of them jumped off the ladders with their skateboards and crashed through my dining room table as The Videomaster, S** Sugar, Checkmate, and Will Wonderful as Finn Wolfhard had his arm over The Videomaster’s chest for the pin.

The Referee then slapped his hand down on the floor and made the count. “1….2….3. Ring The Bell.”

Degeneration Z has won this all out war at The Great American Bash as today’s young actors of Hollywood all stood battered and bloody in the wreckage of my living room.

Then Fred walked out of the restroom with his feet covered in puddles of toilet water and began smelling his nasty feet.

The actors than took the bull rope and t****** Fred and then both Finn Wolfhard and Logan Kim took their shoes off and made Fred smell their stinky a** socks with Logan admitting he has Athlete’s Foot as Finn and Logan than put their socks towards Fred’s mouth asking him to s*** their toes.

Then Noah Schnapp put his foot in Fred’s Mouth, Then Asher, Then Jack, and Then Chandler with Caleb, Joe, Gaten, and Austin laughing at seeing their friends shove their stinky socks in Fred’s mouth.

Fred got up and vomited on my Boss who looked at me and told me i’m Fired.

I told My Boss to kiss my a** because I quit as I hit my Boss with one of the Videomaster’s firecracker VHS Tapes as it exploded upon impace as my Boss fell uncounscious in Bob’s a** and Bob s*** up a volcano again this time in my Boss’s face in the living room.

Then Degeneration-Z left my house and took several fireworks in a pile while everyone outside was still engaged in fights.

Finn Wolfhard and Logan Kim saw Fred’s wife I mean Horse as Finn Wolfhard and Logan Kim both got on Fred’s Horse and said they are delivering it as a gift for Paul Rudd as they got on the horse and then called McKenna Grace and Celeste O’ Conner and told them about the Horse Gift for Paul Rudd.

Asher Angel and Jack Dylan Grazer took Moppy and said they were gonig to send it to Zachary Levi by saying it’s the only chance he’ll have of getting a real woman by kissing a mop.

Gaten Matarazzo and Joe Keery were spraying Lysol and hooking up Arthur’s girlfriend Patty O’ Furniture the Picnic Table to Joe’s Truck as he and Gaten were going to deliver it as a gift to David Harbour.

Chandler Riggs and Austin Abrams both got on George’s Motorcycle and drove off with it saying Norman Reedus will like this.

As The Chaos was starting to settle smokin betty drops one of her cigarettes on the pile of Fireworks the actors left as bottle rockets and s*** bbegan flying all over the neighborhood as I called Smokin Betty a stupid b**** as she blows smoke in my face.

I lit an explosive video and hit Smokin Betty in her fat head with an explosive video as her fatass crashed into the table and got covered in Potato Salad and Watermelon.

Then Jim and Jerry returned rolling on the ground as George yelled “WHO STOLE MY BIKE?”

Then Jim and Jerry knocked George into the Ribs and he threw Ribs at them.

Then Chad yells “FOOD FIGHT” as he smoshes a Banana in Banana Man’s face.

Then an all out food fight commenced as Hamburgers, Hotdogs, Chicken, Ribs, Potato Salad, Macaroni and Cheese, Watermelon, Brownies all flew all over the yard.

Fireworks were exploding all over the neighborhood.

Thus ending The 4th of July Cookout From Hell.

A summer of struggling