A letter I did not get to write. By Carmen Portugal
Principal Mark Fenwick Michael Power-St. Joseph High School 105 Eringate DriveEtobicoke, ON M9C 3Z7
From: Carmen Portugal, Grade 13 Student
September 25, 1995
Regarding: Deceptive Conduct, Breach of Confidentiality, and Harassment by School Chaplain
Dear Principal Fenwick,
I am writing this letter to formally report a deeply distressing incident involving the school chaplain, Sister Marie Howorth, and my guidance counselor. This situation was handled with complete deception, violated my privacy, and has caused me such severe psychological harm that I no longer feel safe at school. Recently, I published a poem in the school newspaper honoring Jane Slovensko, a former student who passed away suddenly of an illness in the 1980s. I wrote this piece out of genuine admiration for her memory and a desire to celebrate a bright light in our school’s history.
On the morning of September 25, 1995, I received a chaplaincy to meet with Sister Marie Howorth. I had no idea what the appointment was for. There was no need to wait for Sister Marie Howorth. She appeared at my class door for everyone to see at 9:30am and summoned me directly out of my classroom for the unsolicited meeting. When I asked her what the meeting was about, she dismissed my question, saying, “Oh, just something.” In light of what followed, this response was a deliberate deception. I was misled into her office under false pretenses and forced into a private conversation about family trauma. Without warning. Without my consent. As an 18 year old, this is a violation of my autonomy.
As soon as the meeting began, Sister Marie Howorth immediately attacked my character, telling me, “You know you wear a mask.” She did not explain to me what she meant by this statement, leaving me to feel judged, confused, and defensive before she even explained why I was there. This unprovoked, highly damaging psychological label had an immediate negative impact on me. She then proceeded to ambush me with my private family history. She did not tell me how she knew this information until I asked, at which point she revealed it was my guidance counselor who told her. Sister Marie Howorth looked at me and asked directly: “Carmen, you wrote in your poem that Jane’s death was sudden. Now Carmen, your father died, was that sudden?” This question was unconscionably cruel and a profound violation of my emotional safety. To hear those words from a school chaplain—someone representing spiritual care and the authority of God—felt like a clinical cross-examination and a predatory ambush. It was a complete violation of my boundaries to have my private childhood history dragged into the light without my permission, stripped of context, and used against me like an interrogation tactic. The question was cruel because it reduced my genuine artistic inspiration and admiration for Jane into a cheap, traumatic stereotype. By forcing a jarring, completely false comparison between Jane’s tragic death and my own past, Sister Marie Howorth attempted to rewrite my reality. She completely invalidated my real intentions, treating my talent not as a gift, but as a symptom of damage. She used my father’s history as a weapon to dissect my mind, rather than treating me with basic human decency. When I tried to explain my poem, Sister Marie Howorth refused to listen. At one point, I got so upset by her aggressive tone that I told her I was sorry I ever wrote the poem. Sister Marie Howorth saw my acute distress, yet she completely ignored my pain and continued to ask me prodding questions in regard to why I noticed Jane, saying, “What made you notice Jane? There must have been something that made you notice her.” I refused to answer Sister Marie Howorth because I knew she was only trying to pathologize me.
There was absolutely no excuse for Sister Marie Howorth to treat me this way. If she had a concern with me, or if someone else on staff did, this was entirely the wrong way to address it. Here is why:
She chose deception over transparency: If a chaplain is genuinely concerned about a student’s emotional well-being, they approach them with honesty. Sneaking me out of class under false pretenses and hiding how she obtained my private records destroyed any possibility of pastoral trust.
She substituted counseling with an interrogation: True care requires listening. Instead of asking me how I was doing, she came to the meeting with a preconceived verdict. She tried to force my life into her own narrative, completely ignoring my actual thoughts and experiences.
She weaponized a student’s distress: When a student becomes so visibly upset that they regret their own creative work, a responsible educator stops. Continuing to probe and press a student who is in acute distress is not guidance; it is psychological harassment.
This interaction has caused me severe harm in the following ways:
Severe Loss of Safety: I am writing to tell you directly that as a result of this incident, I do not feel safe at school. I now feel constantly watched, evaluated based on gossip, and unsafe walking the hallways.
Deception and Emotional Distress: Being summoned out of class under a lie, immediately told I “wear a mask” without explanation, and then interrogated while visibly upset was a traumatic experience. Sister Marie Howorth chose to press into my boundaries rather than offer pastoral care.
Breach of Confidentiality: My guidance counselor had no ethical right to share my personal family file with the chaplain, and Sister Marie Howorth had no right to weaponize that information to ambush me
Censorship of My Voice: Because of this invasive behavior, I feel I must completely stop contributing to the school newspaper or expressing myself creatively just to protect myself from the staff.
Sister Marie Howorth’s approach was an interrogation that violated my rights as an 18-year-old student. I request an immediate formal meeting with you to address this breach of safety, hold the counselor accountable for sharing my file, and ensure Sister Marie Howorth is instructed to never approach me again.
Sincerely,
Carmen Portugal Grade 13 Student
PS The Toronto Catholic District School Board takes my side: Sister Marie should not have asked me about my father’s death, saying that if I didn’t disclose his death to her, she did not have a right to ask. They also verified that Sister Marie Howorth was in the wrong to ask me prodding questions and her comment about me “wearing a mask” was indeed an inappropriate comment to say to a student. In all, Sister Marie Howorth’s approach to me went against trauma informed practices (and basic human compassion that any atheist garbage man could recognize)
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