My father was killed in a wreck when i was 3. My mother moved us to live with my aunt (dead father’s sister). Therapists have helped me work through the f’d up trauma bond we all suffered from for nearly 30 years. My mother and aunt were extremely possessive and intentionally raised me to believe that no other woman would love me like they did. They took their grief and loss and over compensated by smothering me as the only piece of my dead father they had left. I lived at home through college and became quite successful in my job, but the trauma bond kept me living with them anyway. Call it grooming or Stockholm syndrome or whatever you wish but i get that the reality is that they were very effective with the brainwashing As if my emotional immaturity wasn’t enough to hold me back from being drawn to girls and women as i grew, i learned after their deaths how they had worked together behind the scenes to prevent or sabotage any budding relationship i might have ever had. Both of tbem died from cancer. I am still working with a therapist to try to gain basic social skills and emotional maturity but it is a very real struggle. Thanks to their grooming i dont make the effort to date often, because i am trapped in the headspace of a woman i am drawn to may leave or abandon me or wont love me enough or i will disappoint her. And my self sabotage works both ways. I convince myself i will disappoint them. The part that both the therapist and i recognize is the worst part of all is how impossible it feels to overcome the s e x u a l detachment and desensitization. From the day my mother and i moved in with my aunt, the grief and loneliness and depression they were goimg through (i was only 3 remember) meant that ae all slept together. And since they were master manipulators, no surprise, when my body went through puberty they made sure i had that helpless attachment. They had not educated me about any of that arena, but since they kmew it was coming, they got me hooked on intimate touch (their touch on me only, i was told d not to touch them) and all three of our bare bodies every night in the shared bed. Therapit and i are discussing various things, even hypnosis, to see if there are rrepressed memories of pre puberty s** ( not that i want to know or recover such memories). It did not to my memory become s***** untl my first w********. It freaked me the f out but they “nurtured” me throigh that total ignorsncr and freak out but the dynamic shifted after that. They would touch me and teach me to touch them how they wanted. It was all touch only but they obvoously used every night of laying bare together night after night to keep me helplessly addicted to their touch and keep me hooked on o r g a s m by their hands night after night. Evemtually they taught me to pleasure them without penetration so i becsme a very capable lover to them both iremained a virgin. That changed a few days after my mother passed. In bed with my aunt that night she took my virginity. Of course it was brief but over the coming days i learned how to become a true lover to my aunt. It was addicitve and obsessive to us both. I managed to summon the courage to ask her, if this could have been happening all along, why hadnt it? She said it was the one rule my mother had i nsisted on. But with her gone, she no longer felt it was a voe she had to maintain any longer and that she deserved it even more tjsn i did. For the next 4 years my aunt and i were a couple in every way. Date nights, trips, entire weekends barely leaving the bed. One night while we were going at it very intensely she cried out my dead fsther,s name and did mot realize it. I eventually brought it up and she was horrified and i insisted on the truth. My father had been grooming my sister her entire life and even after marrying my mother he had brought his sister into his marital bed. I was told things i would never havr wanted to hear. I was confused and angry and packed and left for over a week. I came back after convincing myself that it had always been about my father, never about me at all. You would think that that ws more than enough to make me break away, but i was emotionally and s******* addicted to my aunt, amd i was terrified of being alone just ss she was. I was with her until she died and the void of that final loss drove me to therapy. The worst part? Lying awake at night longing for both of thrir hands on my body.
To the person the made this comment below. It really amazes me how stupid you really are. You have NO common sense whatsoever.
Vincent Eugene Martz and Reported Family Animosity Publicly available accounts describe Vincent Eugene Martz as the subject of intense opposition from some members of the Martz family and the local community, with claims of long‑standing resentment, alleged abuse, and serious criminal allegations
Please pray to God through Jesus Christ, read the bible and go to church or watch it online for better health, wealth, happiness, peace and love. Thank you
The IDF now takes young guys or boys one at a time on the street they bring them in strip them tie their balls up and make their dicks immediately hard in erect and they begin to thrive around they then tie their hands above their heads on the castration guillotine while inserting their balls that are tied into a hole and when the balls come out they are in the path of the guillotine blade…… the Israeli school boys to come in after school and 10 boys at a time can drop their pants and with the cream they are given they have easy insertion into the p**** of the Gaza boy…..he when the e********** of the Gaza boys is almost ready as they are being fucked are the Israeli school boys…. The e********** of the Gaza boy is signaled because the d*** no longer throbs around it just lurches back and forth in preparation for e********** at that moment the blade of the guillotine falls and the balls are cut off all they are being f***** and they are ejaculating as the balls are cut. These boys are kept and used by the Idf and the Gaza school boys once they have been castrated.
I was angry hipocrytical prideful arrogant boastful tyrannical defensive argumentative gossipping impatient stubborn faithless goofy devisive disrespectful lazy insensitive unloving unmerciful unforgiving irresponsible I passed judgement against others I complained had worldly sorrow resentment I overreacted I lied I was afraid anxious worried paranoid I was selfish self rightous and...
So late at night, it’s been months and I still think of you I wish I didn’t, I wish I could leave you in peace even in my mind But I can’t help but feel so sorry about how much I hurt you in the past.
Sometimes I...
I tell people an Ex of mine cheated on me so that I don’t have to explain the fact that I broke up with her because I planned to end my life at the time.
Perry Kalynuk
Sorry I invaded your personal space and pushed your boundaries by tickling you and asking you to kiss me. Also sorry I made things weird by telling you about my kink in a really awkward situation. That wasn’t appropriate. I’m sorry. I’ll do better.
I have been wanting to quit a learning program called kumon for 3 years now. but everytime tell my mom, she just says im lazy. the reason why I want to quit is because of school. everyday im given at least 5 homeworks everyday, quizes every tuesday and...
to the man that my sister’s dogs kinda attacked to today: im sorry. I feel really guilty, even though I hated that you pushed Rocky to the ground and basically stormed off. I’m sorry. I should’ve just walked away, but I don’t know why I didn’t. I’m a fcking idiot.
I jerked off my girlfriends dog and I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I really do regret that, I hate when my intrusive thoughts get so strong.
I intentionally had impure thoughts I masturbated and I was selfish hipocrytical prideful arrogant boastful tyrannical defensive argumentative angry disrespectful impatient immature irresponsible ungodly lustful unloving unmerciful unforgiving insensitive goofy devisive feminine oversexed disgusting pathetic unprofessional self rightous lazy and I had a martyr like attitude I used profanity and...
I intentionally had impure thoughts and I masurbated
I love to show my p**** to completely random perv men on the internet. I love to hear them s*** shaming me as I’m a totally respectable woman irl. I don’t know why I get so much pleasure out of it knowing that I hate men who disrespect women...
I intentionally had impure thoughts and I’m tempted to m*********
I’ve had s***** interactions with a pet that’s close to me. It kills me thinking about it. I’ve masturbated to a stranger online and it makes me feel disgusted with myself. I kind of wish I never transitioned and stayed the pretty girl I was.
I intentionally had impure thoughts, masturbated I was selfish hipocrytical prideful arrogant disrespectful tyrannical impatient pathetic goofy devisive feminine oversexed disgusting immature irresponsible ungodly unloving unmerciful unforgiving self rightous I had a martyr like attitude and I used profanity
I enjoy turning coke into crack and smoking it from a can.. and blowing it into and sucking it out of my boyfriends mouth. It doesn’t do anything but I love doing that. I can’t what to be able to smoke it again..
I slept with my sister’s friend. She knows and even hyped me up for it but we were all drunk and I think it actually upset her a lot. I don’t regret sleeping with him but I hate that I acted so selfishly. There are some boundaries that don’t need...
my parents deserve better. a better daughter, a daughter that doesn’t say horrible things out of anger, a daughter that isnt as messed up as me. i love them so much and i wish they could see that.i truely hate myself
I am in love with a guy and he loves me too. We both share our love for each other but cant go out together cuz of an arranged marriage I’m in. Thing is, we act like gf and bf but aren’t technically one. I hung out at another guy’s...
i commited s***** sin. i watched n*** scenes of actresses. im sorry
I am a raging alcoholic, but I’m also a functional alcoholic, and my family has no idea. Many online communities will tell me, “they know,” but I promise you, they don’t. I’m very good at hiding it and hide behind fictitious mental health diagnoses to pardon my behavior. I even...
I was angry hipocrytical prideful arrogant disrespectful tyrannical impatient self rightous unmerciful unforgiving irresponsible ungodly unloving unforgiving insensitive I complained passed judgement against others I dishonored my father had worldly sorrow resentment I overreacted I was selfish immature lazy insensitive and I had a martyr like attitude
I have watched p**********, I have masturbated many times, and I have had inappropriate s***** fantasies. I am sorry for all of this and wish for it all to stop. I have woken up with two random scratches on my skin, which I feel are a message, and I lied...
I was angry hipocrytical prideful arrogant boastful tyrannical defensive argumentative gossipping stubborn faithless impatient anxious afraid paranoid self rightous unmerciful unloving unforgiving insensitive irresponsible ungodly disrespectful tyrannical I passed judgement against others I was immature complaining I had violent thoughts worldly sorrow resentment I overreacted I dishonored my father I...
So so so so so uncomfortable because I ate something I hadn’t planned for / it is putting me over my calories and now I’m anxious, I want to just binge on the sweets because “I’ll start restricting on Friday anyway” but I also want to restrict but I’m also...
I have wiped out a whole hard drive containing some important data about my company…😭😭
I ate unleavened bread please pray in Jesus name.
ive written 500 words of pure p*** and honestly its good but i feel so bad about it
I have admitted to myself that I am gay. I “love” s** with men and being submissive for them. I want to start living my life as the sissy gay man I am, but, I am scared to death what my wife and familly is going to say and dont...
Please someone forgive me, I could not control myself.
I was angry hipocrytical prideful arrogant disrespectful tyrannical impatient defensive argumentative unforgiving irresponsible ungodly unloving unmerciful immature I overreacted had worldly sorrow resentment I complained passed judgement against others I dishonored my father and I was lazy insensitive I had violent thoughts I was selfish self rightous and I had...
I did s***** sin too sorry
I found a dead body when I was fifteen. It was another teenager. His body was wrapped in black trash bags and left in a small ditch behind a closed down glass factory by the train tracks. I never reported it to the police because I was scared to get...
i can’t stop stalking my ex fwb. i’ve been signing him up for s** addict newsletters because i want him to stop hooking up with other girls. why can’t men just be happy with one girl
Not sure what category this falls under but i think i might have a piss kink. I just peed the bed and came untouched. I dont know whats wrong with me i feel disgusting but f*** it was really hot. I dont know what to do.
I am tired, I do not feel confident anymore, i have been loosing money in stock market that i need to be saving for my house, i feel like, i still can make it all i need is few good trades, but i know it doesnt feel like it,...
I should not be reading Killing Stalking but its so good
I demand too much attention 😶
People in my life love me so much and I love them too, but I feel so indifferent of them sometimes that if I found out they died I wouldn’t even care. Then I feel sad, not because they died, but because I feel like I should care more.
A relationship that ended over seven months ago, has been haunting me every day. I caught her sending pics and messaging other men on Snapchat by accident and I ended things. She’s the only woman that I’ve ever truly been myself around. We talked about getting back together for a...
I’m in a relationship. I am a female and im currently in a relationship of 1 year and 4 months. I’m a submissive individual when it comes to s** or sexting, but the problem is, so is my boyfriend. I find it very hard when it comes to sexting and...
