My parents and I…if you were to ask me if they and I were close, my automatic answer would be, “Yes, of course”. Any person who simply saw how my parents and I interacted with each other would agree that our relationship IS close. In reality, I f****** hate my parents– Not really them themselves. I hate all their expectations of me. I hate that they see me as a great kid yet when I voice my problems they look at me as if I turned into a different person. They look at me like I’m weak. I look at them and see pity and blame. They blame me for my depression, OCD, and anxiety. The fact that they always push me to be perfect ever since I was a kid…they don’t recognize the pressure they put on me.
“You got a B. Well, it’s an 89 so you clearly could have done better…but the world isn’t going to end. You’ll just study harder next time, right?”
Instead of being proud for any attempt at trying on my part, I get a “Do better next time.” They don’t acknowledge my below average actions. I only have their attention when I do something spectacular. Because of them, I am so terrified of the thought of failing or performing under par. I stress myself out and work without giving myself time to play. I hate myself and them for my being this way. I wish I could accomplish tasks without considering and focusing on how my parents will react. I wish they would stop pushing me as hard. I wish I could know what I want and not get confused with what everyone (specifically my parents) want.
I’m too stressed for my hound age. I’m not even out of high school (this is going to be my senior year) and already am I dependent on alcohol when I have a less than satisfying day filled with what I think of failures. All because my parents expect me to be consistently perfect in everything I do or try to do. Asians aren’t the only people with strict parents…
If I don’t get out of here…killing myself hasn’t really worked, but dammit I’ll be sure to make it work if I’m not free from my parents by the end of this school year. I don’t need their support. I’d rather be homeless and without a college degree than still in a house with them. That is a lot to say for someone like me. I’m not too privileged but I’m not poor either.
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I can’t say were in the same boat, but I can say your parents aren’t right for blaming you. It’s never fair when someone gets blamed for they’re own illness. My friends are all being pressured to get into AP classes, and take extra courses. If you want to do that and can handle it it’s fine, but not all of them can. And there’s no shame in not wanting to be stressed.
My mom wasn’t as bad as yours but she expected me to do well all the time. And I did mostly, but last year I didn’t. And the way I reacted kind of shocked her into realizing she shouldn’t be feeding my perfectionism.
I have a problem with wanting to make my parents happy and my mom knows this. She has actually told me several times that I don’t have to do everything she suggests, because I panic a bit once I realize I made the wrong choice. It’s sad that your parents don’t understand that you can’t please them all the time.
I don’t know what advice I can give you.. What I would do is praise myself. It’s hard to start after being trained not to, but it works. Let yourself celebrate. It’s quite fun, really.
And don’t kill yourself. It’s hard, but it’s not worth it. You can go to college out of state and be happy. And never see them again if you want (or try talking to them, no matter how hard it is. You’d be surprised at how understanding they can be).
Feel better please 🙂