i catfished
last summer i met a guy over a game, and i had a huge crush on him instantly. hes halirious and sweet and we started dating like 3 months later. we had an on and off relationship mainly because of me. it seemed to him that i didnt try in the relationship because hes always the one that starts the conversation. but what he didnt know is the only reason i didnt ever message him is because i had really low self esteem and i felt like i was annoying him. i basically acted i was soo cool and didnt give 2 fucks about anything. couple days later, one of our friends asked me to send a selfie and i sent my friends picture because she was totaly gorgeous.
in december 2013, a couple months later, me n him stopped talking and we broke up because he said he didnt have feelings for me like he used to since we dont talk anymore. i kinda just died inside but i tried to cover it up, so i was just like ‘k i dont care lol.’ and that hurt him.
after that i not only drifted apart from him but also with all my other friends i made online. i was basically a b**** to everyone. then on my news feed on fb i saw him talking to another girl, tatiana. i just kinda had a feeling that he liked her because the way they talked is the way we used to talk. i just thought everyone and everything sucked so much.
in march 2014 i deactivated my online facebook, and just talked to my closest online friends over the phone. i was told that he asked tatiana out and they’re dating now. i didnt know what to think of all this so i blocked all my online friends and practically deleted my online life and tried to move on.
in april i made another facebook, but with my real name and real pictures. i messaged one of my old online friends and said i was friends inrl with jenna (the girl i pretended to be).
one day in may, she added me into a group convo with him. i was just kinda like uhhm. but we just talked and we messaged each other everyday. we kept talking for about 2 months and hes still funny like when we first met, but hes not as caring or sweet. but i understand.
now its july and we stopped talking, i dont know why, i still miss him but i just dont feel like messaging or replying him anymore. and hes not that eager to message me either. its not because of how im scared im annoying him anymore, im not that shy or that unconfident about myself anymore.
i feel like everything s**** again. tbh, tatiana doesnt f****** deserve him, and im not saying this because im jealous. I mean, i am jealous of her, but im just stating the facts. tatiana uses people and treats them like s***, for example, when she and him first started dating, she put him first before everyone, including her best friend, whom introduced her to him. her friend was really upset shes treating her like this and she just didnt give a crap. secondly, she literally needs attention 24/7 from everyone. everytime i talk to her, she would be like ” im so ugly what the f***” and sends a picture caked in make up. a few weeks ago, she was ‘fangirling’ over a guy in a british accent who she thought was adorable.
but above all, i really cant, and dont blame anyone except for myself.
for catifishing him, the only guy i really cared about,
for pretending not to care,
and for hurting him.
i feel like such a b**** and i hate myself for all my mistakes.
