There is a profound and gut wrenching sadness settling into my heart like a nest tonight. This overwhelming sense of hopelessness that has come over me cannot be shaken off. I am at the end of my list of ideas on how to make things better. I guess some things you cannot fix. I feel numb, at least in numbness I can find asylum. Memories of better times are like ghosts stuck on repeat in my mind. I wish sometimes I had the gift of raising the dead, so I can raise the parts of myself that have died through the years…
I miss all 13 people I have lost in my life. I resent that I never had a childhood and that I had to grow up early. I hate that I am 24 with a seasoned soul and that any “good times” are few and far between. The only good thing that panned out was that I married my loving husband. Seeing my family fall apart has taken so much from me. I hope I can give a happier childhood to my future children, the childhood I never had. I wish I could make my mom smile again. I wish my sister wasn’t alone. I wish my husband felt wanted by his family. I wish my father could kick his addiction to alcohol.
