My problem…lying, the biggest problem I have in life is all because of a lie. I lied to myself on several occasions about money. The first time was in college, when I lied to myself and said that I could pay all these credit card bills myself as I overspent and racked up $25000 in debt. In my first senior year (I had two, and two junior years as well, hence the 6 year stint) I actually counted it all up, and saw roughly that number…I was sick! So I decided to do something drastic…I would go work at a “massage parlor”. And off to “work” I went, at the same time collecting my allowance and lying to my parents, and just about everyone I knew from my hometown, about what kind of “part-time” job paid so well. I graduated, and started work in my field. But I kept going with the other “work” for a time, and got the debts paid. Wow, it takes a lot to pay for a lie, but I didnt think that was what I was paying for; I was paying credit card bills, I thought.
Then I got comfortable and lied to myself again and told myself I could afford a house. My salary at the lab was ok, and I lept and bought a house Just months into it, I was calling home to ask mom for money, then when that ran out, the payday loan, loans. Then someone sent me an email offering an easy job processing payments…I knew it was a scam, but I hoped it wasnt and, everything blew up! I suddenly owe my bank $10000, all the loans, and everything else. I got listed in chexsystems and lost banking priveledges, and now maxing out more credit to get by. At the height of my career at the lab I made about $60000 a year, just enough to hide my condition from others and pay a house and truck note. But then I was asked to leave my firm, given a small severance, and the cost of this lie gets even bigger.
I get a job, but a 100% commisssion job (a business as well) and started in the new field. But it was a slow start (feels like it hasnt started yet and its three years later), and then another explosion: foreclosure. So I dodge it with a chapter seven. Oops, found out I’m pregnant! Then the truck breaks down. Cant afford to fix it so I give it back to the bank and mom buys me a nice little car. I keep working and trying to catch up, but now Im eating for two and just sick. Moms taking care of me like when I was younger. Pitiful. Im getting ready to have my son and moms getting the shower together. There are some things, like a crib and furniture, that a mom gets for her baby herself. So one more lie (Reminder: Im not paying a mortgage in a house i cant and wont be able to afford anytime soon, waisting paper and time trying to refinance, its funny now) I can borrow some money against the title to the car my mom bought me, for 900 bucks. I bought the stuff, looking at it now as my son naps. Well, the house finally is lost. Now i have to move and get an apartment.
Yall, I HAD to lie to myself more and more just to keep going. When you get down here where I am, you cant pay the title loan, which you borrowed more and moved from company to company just to get by…I owe 4700 now. And every month, evety week, every day you have to lie…lie to your dude, your mom, your friends coworkers….my most honest conversations are with my clients, which is just weird for a salesperson. Now its the 6th of April, I owe my apartments $1000, the title loan company $450 next week for my monthly payment, not to mention the operationals…and my earnings last week were $272. Sad cuz my advance balance is $635. And mom says shes broke. LIES. The one I tell myself right now and I pray this time turns to truth…”Everything’s gonna be alright.”
All Comments
Put all of your attention and focus into paying off your debts. Try to eliminate all unnecesary spending. Once your debts are paid off, you can start fresh. Your child is young enough that material things don’t phase him yet, so you don’t have to worry about pleasing him for a few more years.