My great aunt is about to die from cancer and I flew down to see her this weekend. The first time I saw her I lost my s***. The second time I saw her, I had it all together and made everyone in my family laugh and feel happy for a few hours. I was surprised at how calm i was and how i handled the situation very well. Overall, it was a very, very distressing experience, but I knew what to do even though I’ve never lost anyone close to me. I am so tired right now. I don’t want to go back to class. That’s just too much.
And why can’t I deal with healthy, living people with the same certainty and calmness that I have with people who are grieving and dying? It baffles me. I am having a harder time dealing with my crush than my grieving family. Seriously. What the f***.
Or is it because all this s*** happening in my family causing problems in my love life? F*** it. I don’t know. I am so sleep-deprived and delirious right now.
