I moved to the big city with big hopes and big dreams. But the one thing I forgot to bring was a big wad of cash. Things have been tight, and my parents can’t afford to support me here. I don’t want to let them down, and I don’t want to fail myself, so after crunching numbers and realizing that my 17 hour work days weren’t going to cut it, I had to figure something out. I looked on craigslist and went to the talent gigs section. You see a lot of e***** businesses post there, looking for new girls. I found one that looked more exclusive and sent them an email.
The guy who runs our little family is great. In the world of prostitution/escorts, you couldn’t ask for a better boss. He takes care of the girls when they come in to work, gives you whatever schedule you want, makes sure you always feel happy, safe, and comfortable.
He (and some of the other girls) are the only ones who know that I work as an e*****. It is nice to have someone that knows who I am, but I feel both paranoid and guilty about my work. I don’t want to be an e*****, but the money is incredible. I can afford my apartment and my student loans. I can get healthy produce and take a taxi now and then. But I hate myself. I am ashamed of what I do, and I hate the majority of the men I sleep with. I feel disgusting, and I want to tear off my skin after a long shift. The room we work out of is far from my apartment, and I keep making up lies when my friends see me heading towards work. I can’t tell them where I’m actually going. I can’t tell them what I do. I wish I could. I could use their love more than ever.
I’m pursuing a career where my face is not only what makes me money, but also what gets seen by lots of people every day. I am constantly afraid that someone will recognize me in the city, in an interview, or expose me. What would I do then? I feel trapped.
I’m trying to find a job in the real world. Until then, this is my main source of income. And in the unforgiving city, you don’t really have any other choice than to do whatever you must to survive.
All Comments
Nobody is forcing you to do this. If you hate it, stop. But if you can live with it, well then you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.
I escort too. Been doing so for 2+ years.
Do NOT be ashamed of yourself. You’re an adult. This is a decision you’ve made. No one has the right to look down their nose at you or judge you.
If you no longer want to escort, then just stop.
If you feel you need to carry on, then keep carrying on.
I don’t know if this’ll help but in regards to the clients you don’t like- just mentally switch off and go into auto-pilot. Or, just act. That’s what I do if I need to (though my clients are actually all ok)
Worst case scenario. You go for a job interview and a guy interviewing you is/ was a client. He wont say shit. Trust me.