I have this weird feeling inside of me that no one likes me, and that I am not good enough for the people I am friends with. My friends are perfect, they are smart, their have great personalities, they are easy to talk to, they are outgoing, the listen could go on forever… unfortunately, I am the one exception. I’m quiet, not very outgoing, I don’t stick up for myself, I hate arguing, and it takes me a while to get to know people, but I do dedicate myself and to my friends. But I just get such a vibe that my friends don’t like me as much as I like them, because I feel like I’m always the one who starts conversations with them, but whenever they start conversations I’m not really a part of them. They don’t ever act mad at me and they always listen to what I have to say and give input, but I just don’t think that they would take interest in me if I didn’t start all the conversations. This past week, I stayed quiet and didn’t start any conversations or text them, just to see who would try to talk to me at their own will. However, over the period of 5 days I only got one text from one person, and it wasn’t even from my closest friend.
Am I crazy for doing this? I feel like I’m an awful person for even thinking of this. I just feel like I’m not good enough for my friends or something, even though I have similar interests and they are nice to me. I know I’m overthinking too much but I can’t shake this feeling. Am I insane?
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As another overthinker, I’ll say that you can never really know. On the other hand, people in any kind of relationship get into routines and habits, and yours might just be to initiate and theirs might be to be there when you do so. If a friend stopped initiating contact with me, I might assume he/she is busy or annoyed with me. The reaction to this itself is individual. Some people want to ask what’s up or what’s wrong, while others assume you need a cooling off period or time to yourself. I know because I’m the insecure, we-need-to-talk-now, don’t-you-like-me-anymore type, but my husband is the opposite. He needs space and often assumes that I do, too, when we have a fight. If I didn’t initiate “talks” after big fights, we’d never talk about them again at least half of the time. He’s become less that way over time as we’ve been together, but that’s always going to be his base personality. Before we got to this point of understanding, I had to just be brave and say exactly what insecure thoughts I was thinking, thus giving him the chance to know my thoughts and correct my misconceptions. You’re not giving these friends a fair chance if you don’t at least try it.
You’re not crazy — just a deep thinker who is probably amazing at other things, but needs to learn communication skills at the risk of getting your feelings hurt. That might seem daunting, but it’s either that or you’re always going to be fragile and scared inside while everyone around lives at least in moderate comfort with themselves.
You can do it. Good luck 🙂