I am finally getting a good cry. I think of those who die alone but I don’t stop thinking about just myself I think of soldiers around the world, i think of grandmothers and grandfathers they are still the little babies of those who are long gone. I am adopted. My birth mother commiting suicide she left with a shotgun blast and she died ALONE. I am realizing now why I am so overly active, when I have time to think I dwell of the most horrific terrible and most lonesome silhouettes standing on the precipice. My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer less than a month after Angie killed herself. We screamed and cried and held one another. She said I don’t want to leave you and Daddy. My dad cried and cried and told me not to cry in front of her. But it is scary goddamn it and we have cried. I pulled the car into the park a few months ago and we held hands and confessed we were terrified to the core. Luckily our family has pulled together and become closer. I go home at least once a week to help around the house but if I get stick I cannot be around my mom and it hurts both of us. I love her and my dad more than anything. I don’t want to die alone. I don’t want anyone to die alone.
