I’ve been a stripper for

I’ve been a stripper for several years now, entertaining at four to six bachelor parties a month all over Texas and Louisiana. Most of the men I dance for are married and fun to party with. But I’ve seen some pretty bizarre stuff go down. Let’s face it: When guys get drunk and excited, they tend to let things fly, doing stuff they won’t remember the next day. That’s why bachelor parties have an unwritten code of silence. Well, guess what? I’m breaking it.

The Bare Facts
Most party organizers (i.e., the best man) request two strippers, so I usually bring along one of my friends. The first thing we do upon arrival is slip away to the bathroom. That gives my security guy the opportunity to have a beer with the boys, get comfortable, and explain the rules in a very comedic manner.

Then the guys form a big circle, with the bachelor in the center sitting on an armless chair. We start off in costumes anything from French maids to nurses and doctors to cops. We dance seductively for the bachelor for about 15 minutes, showing some skin, putting our hands on his shoulders, straddling his legs, grinding his crotch with our butts, pinching his n******. Eventually, we take off his shirt.

Next comes the b****** aspect of the show. We lay the bachelor on the floor on his tummy and blindfold him. First we tease him by running feathers or ice cubes down his back, and then I start spanking and whipping him. (I used to be a d*********, so I can spank without leaving bruises.) The b****** part takes a good 30 minutes, because after we do the groom, we do each of the groomsmen separately. The guys watching love the b****** play. They scream really loud and yell things like “Hit him harder!” I just ignore them.

When the b****** part is finished, our tops come off and we get down to just our G-strings, stockings, and high heels. Then my partner pulls out some whipped cream and strawberries. I lie down, and she puts whipped cream on my n****** and a strawberry dipped in whipped cream between my b****. Then she sloooowly eats it all off. When it’s gone, the guys are each invited to eat a dipped strawberry off my chest, using only their mouths.

Once the guys have eaten their strawberries, my partner drips candle wax onto my n******. She makes impressions of them and hands those out. The boys like that part ’cause they get little souvenirs. Then it’s break time.

For the next 20 minutes, my friend and I socialize with the men at the party. A lot of guys are very entertained by conversing with us about day-to-day stuff as we’re standing there t****** with drinks in our hands.

After the break, the groom helps us get naked. Sometimes I make him take off my p****** with his teeth; sometimes I make him s*** my toes. Then my stripper friend and I start French kissing. That’s the guys’ favorite part right there. They love it! It’s so e***** to them. Some guys moan. Some guys scream. They ask us to do it again. And again, and again. So we kiss, and we kiss, and then we go into h******* girl-on-girl action: kissing, sucking, licking. She s**** my toes and nibbles on my legs and inner thighs. There’s lots of neck biting, lots of n***** play, and ultimately, oral s**. While this is going on, the guys are yelling things like “Woohoo!” “Oh my God!” “Holy s***, I can’t believe I’m seeing this!” and “This is better than p***!”

As far as props go, I use a lot of light up finger pops in my show — those suckers that look like finger extensions, with flashlights in them. They’re very phallic, and they’re really smooth; I use them on every part of my partner’s body. We use peeled bananas, too, and occasionally vibrators. I don’t really like vibrators because they’re cold and loud, but it’s not always about me. If the other girl wants it, then I’m going to use it on her. And yes, sometimes we have orgasms. That’s one of those big requests we get. I’m like, if it happens, it happens; I’m not going to fake it.

Guys know that they can go on the Internet and get a h***** for the party, if that’s what they want…and some do. But with me, s** isn’t going to happen. Still, even though we tell the guys from the get-go not to ask for s***** favors, they always do anyway sometimes for themselves, sometimes for the groom. There’s always at least one who’s like, “There’s a price for everything.” What’s sad is, the bachelor usually has no idea that somebody at his party is trying to give him the hookups. Most grooms-to-be do not want that.

Of course, bachelors aren’t innocent. They’ll say, “This is my last night of freedom. I want to get what I can.” And I’ll be like, “Well then, I guess you better start trying to find someone you can get.” Probably 70 percent of bachelors are completely against having s** at their party, 20 percent are hoping that the women in the show will force it upon them so they won’t have to feel guilty, and the other 10 percent actively try to make it happen. I’ve often heard of other strippers having s** with the groom during or after the party.

Sometimes the bachelor will say, “I don’t want anything from you girls but a three-way kiss, because that’s my fantasy.” I will make that happen, but it will be real short. Probably a minute, if that. Because if you allow the audience to see the beginning of something s***** that includes a guy, before you know it, they’ll be asking for more.

The groomsmen always try to get the groom to do things he doesn’t want to do. They often bring an inflatable plastic sheep that’s “anatomically correct.” They want the groom to lick its b*** or pretend to have s** with it, for pictures or just to entertain the group. It’s this constant humiliation. Men are weird.

One time when I arrived at a party, the guys told me that the bachelor was “borderline.” I was like “What does that mean? Whatever bring it on!” Well, here’s what it meant: He might puke. As soon as we started dancing, he threw up on our legs. Then he passed out.

Guys make idiots of themselves in other ways too. At one party, the bride’s little brother was there. He was 18 or so, still in high school, and they got him totally wasted. All of a sudden, right in the middle of our show, he pulled out his p**** and started playing with himself. In front of everybody! His father walked up to him and said, “Son, are you sure you want to be doing this?” The kid slurred “Leave me alone” and just kept going. He eventually passed out cold with it in his hand.

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