Gonna put it all out there.

Gonna put it all out there. Comment with help if you can, it’s greatly appreciated.
So I am gay, and have only had s** with another girl. While on the other hand, my girlfriend has had s** with five guys (when she was 15 – 17), and also her ex girlfriend. I have accepted it, although the thought of it literally has destroyed me over time. She claims that she did not enjoy it, and it hurt every time. But I don’t know if I can believe that especially since she was drunk two of the times.. that I know of. Her losing her virginity gets to me the most since I view that as a special and intimate thing, and it kills me to know that she has had that, with six other people, besides me. It also kills me that she claims she is gay but she had s** with two of those guys after her first girlfriend, if your gay why the hell would you have straight s**? The fact that she did have a d*** inside of her, seven f****** times bothers me to extremes, I don’t have a f****** d***. I have tried my hardest to control my thoughts and not think about it, because once I do; I become my own worst enemy. It has caused many fights between me and her, and we both believe will eventually destroy us. It has literally driven me crazy, I have become depressed sometimes and even more insecure, defensive, protective, and angry. I am just really hurt by it, even though it all happened before me and I understand that the past is the past, I have one too, everyone does; but I cannot seem to move past this. I have gotten soooo much better over time though, but just recently we have gotten in a very ugly fight about it and I am worried about it for the sake of our relationship. When we are not fighting, our relationship is awesome and I want nothing more than to be with her, and I do not detest her or judge her for her past, I am just really f****** hurt and confused by it. I have mentally destroyed myself, wondering things.. I don’t know, it has just been a really fucked up time. She has tried to help me when I come to her about it, but other times she has told me I’m f****** ridiculous and insane.. ha I don’t want to be told that if these are my true genuine feelings and I am trying my best to get f****** rid of them. I have not open up to or talked to a single person about this besides my girlfriend. I am so tired, mentally, emotionally, and physically from this. I feel as if it has honestly changed me. This feels good finally letting it out in a different and much healthier way than I usually do. I need any advice I can get, please please help

• Share on Facebook