Everyone I’ve ever been with I have never loved. No matter how long we were together or what similarities we share I always end up lying with every “I love you” I mutter. I’m a horrible person who hurts everyone. I try to force myself to be in love but end up cheating because of the thrill and adrenaline rush of the situation I could get caught for. Its turned more into a fetish every time it happens. How do you fall in love with someone? I never seem able to figure it out.
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People always know someone seeing someone else. My ex was like this. I pitied the poor fool. No confidence. Everyone thinks he is a joke. You let yourself love, that’s all. If you get a thrill out potential of hurting someone you must have some unmet needs inside of you you need to work through. And you aren’t fit to love anyone so stop the charades and games. The universe will burn you one day a very bad way and you will be sorry. Natural order to all things no one can stop.
You can’t love anyone unless you love yourself first. You may have, somewhere early in life, learned that love (or being vulnerable) is costly, i.e., painful, and chose to replace it with a close substitute that feels good in a similar way– so now you gravitate to things that give you a “rush” but also don’t allow you to get too attached. At the same time, you know you are hurting people which makes you dislike yourself even more. Learn to love yourself, you can easily love others. This, however, is easier said than done because you will have to change the subconscious loop of dialogue you have going in your head that has you convinced you are unlovable and/or that being vulnerable equals unbearable pain. The good news is the fact that you notice and are even asking about it means something in you somewhere is not on board with this behavior and knows it no longer serves you. Congratulations.
I think your just a whore