My biggest fear is heights. I the feeling of being too high off the ground and of falling. Recently though I have been thinking that this more related to myself than just a natural fear. I think it is my subconscious physically addressing a larger fear of mine which it that of failing. Not so much on a test but failing as in achieving a high ranking role or job and then failing at it. I think this is why I can never focus on goal or dream. I feel so cut off from everyone internally because deep down I have clue what I ever wanted. Each year I want something else career and educational wise and so my life has been up and down. I think it is because the moment I start rising to the occasion and have the potential to climb higher i sabotage myself for fear of failing at a greater height and never achieve anything more than an average job that is steady and level so that I can be normal. I don’t want to be like that though. I have big aspirations that I know I can achieve but each time I start to, my focus shifts away when I am just making progress or I get discourage red easy and not fight for what I want. I hate this about myself and wish I could tell this to my friends, but it feel as though I have made a persona about myself that prevents from being honest and true. It appears to my friends that I want power and so they see me as the ver respectable person that should act a certain way when I don’t want to be like that but at the same time, I don’t want to succeed for fear of failure at a high level job because I am scared of how things will happen. I think I seen too many go though that u am trying to save myself from that heart ache but that is hurting me instead. I feel trapped by myself to protect myself out of fear. I just don’t want to do. I feel alone because I feel that even though I have friends I really don’t have anyone to talk to because of my persona and that I don’t who I could trust if I were to show them the true me. I want to move beyond this and have trying to get the truth out of my system so that I can move with my life. I want to have a goal and fight like hell for it with fear or consequence. I am at a loss of how to move on.