I am sorry Mom. I came so far away from home, saying I want to do a PhD. I should have worked alone. Somehow, I ended up working with another PhD student – a boy 5 years my junior. We’d be together, working towards a common goal – night and day. Then, he read my diary entries (behind my back). I’d written many s*** things about him. He told me that he liked me. But that it can’t end in a marriage. We are not of the same caste. He confessed that he had been reading my diary. I ended up throwing myself at him. He could have me whenever he wanted. I begged him. And he sometimes did me a favour by granting me my wish.

On a parallel track, he’s also my work-colleague. This is a small gated community. He took over my field of study. Now, he’s a better expert than I am. Because, I did not do anything. I took the short-cut of asking him for help many times. He helped me. But taking short-cuts has its consequences. My wings have not developed. And the time has come, when we have to fly. I don’t have the confidence to do it. I feel so much better when I am not around him. I work – a bit slowly than him – but I work. But when we are in the lab together, I cannot work. I am always thinking that he is getting ahead. And I cannot function. Our work is mathematical. We just have to think. And for thinking, you need a clear mind, not a cluttered one. I was so jealous. Not anymore. I just want to lead a decent life, an honest life. A slow one, but one which is truly mine.