I love my fiancé, we’ve been together for a decade; I’ve supported her through serious illness and bereavement, but over the last while I have fallen for another, a girl I went to college with, I think of her every day and the times we meet and watch a flick and hangout are awesome (purely platonic, she doesn’t feel the same or even know how I feel) I miss her when she’s gone. The last few months have been and continue to be the toughest my fiancé and I have had to face; family death, money troubles , illness complications and possibly more surgery. Maybe my feelings for my friend are a transfer of the loss and frustration of how our lives have been diminished and restricted by all that has happened? Being with my friend takes my mind off the stresses and gives me a chance to laugh and remember the good times and I mistake exuberance and brevity for feelings of love? Maybe I’m a horrible b****** who is so consumed by his own sense of helplessness and anger at the injustice of all that has happened that I am selfishly chasing feelings I should realise are false? Maybe I’ve lost myself in the maelstrom of my mind and have become a lost cause? T, I have loved you, held you and comforted you for third of my life. J, u are a rock that shelter a part of me through the insanity of the last three years, thank you. Around you I can laugh and remember, for T I am strong and I fight for! She is my saviour, J is my best friend. I am a fool. Thank god nothing happened.