We’re really great friends. We talk about everything. And anything. It might feel like I’ve been hitting on you.

I have been.

I know you like your booze and we’d both like to think we’re above it…but if, the next time we hang out, you get drunk and make a move on me…I’m not going to stop you. I’m going to push you to go further, to go all the way. I’m going to f*** those colossal goddamn t****** and eat your p**** until you scream and s*** on your feet because they’re adorable and I’ve never indulged that fetish of mine and goddamn it I’m tired of being taunted by them. I love the way you giggle and squeal when anyone touches them.

I’m not sure if I’m going to want you to remember it in the morning or not. I know it would probably tank our friendship. And it should, honestly. But I’m sick of having friends I can’t hook up with. I lose the friendship anyway when it comes to light that I’d really like to f*** them…so I may as well actually get laid out of it…right?