This is a short portion of possibly a much larger story of my life written for 1 person in specific to see but all to read if they wish.

Approximately 9 to 10 months ago I had gotten back from a out of town job that lasted a month. Shortly before returning I had found out the person I was with had been flirting with another and even considered leaving me for him at one point. She also intended to go behind back and talk to him in secret using alternative means. About a week or two after that we had moved past this transgression….. well kinda. But a friend of mine wanted to set up a double date with a girl he’d known for a while and was just starting to see. We had all met at my families house, and when I saw this girl he mentioned I was immediately attracted to her. She had this gorgeous smile, the most beautiful blue eyes, and she wasn’t overly shy or reserved when meeting new people. I had a crush on her right away, I wanted to get to know her, but she was my friends girlfriend at the time and I had my own and realized I shouldn’t. So I pulled myself back and sat with my own girlfriend until it was time to go to the Movies. My date… just sat on a couch always playing her tablet… her date was always on the phone looking up things. Me and her talked and joked a lot about them at the movies about it.

After that night we added each other on facebook and she had asked me for advice because her boyfriend wasn’t giving her the attention she wanted. Later we started to make phone calls with one another and we’d end up spending 4 to 6 hours at a time just talking about our relationship problems we shared. It was exact same situations…. we had talked so much the crush only got bigger and we had noticed so many things we had in common. The way we viewed relationships, the things we wanted to do with them, and what we wanted out of them. The many things outside of just relationships we had in common as well. When we’d finally get off the phone and she’d go back to her life and I mine I would talk to my roommate/friend who lived with me, my gf, and her family about this girl. I’d tell him all the amazing things I thought about her, how I wanted to just leave who I was with and risk everything for a chance with her. She was smart, cute, funny, and so many other things… but I didn’t want to hurt my friend at the time or who I was with by doing something so bold at the time.

So I waited, eventually they split up and she cut me out because of him… afraid it would remind her of him. Found another man, who was a brother of a friend of mine. We talked a little then but he didn’t want her talking to other guys so I was shut out until she couldn’t take him anymore and broke up. Later on my 11 month anniversary with the person I was seeing I got a call asking for a ride to my moms house so she could spend time with people who wanted to be around her… I thought it was just me and my mom that would be there. I didn’t know her ex would be there. I thought it was my chance so I said yes right away, I pushed my anniversary aside… me and the person I was seeing had been on a break for a while then and we’re doing terrible so it didn’t concern me. Upon picking her up I wanted to wait until we got to the house before saying anything or doing anything too soon. When I arrived at my house I found her ex on my porch and I was livid…. but I dealt with it, just another blow another chance gone by. They broke up a week later and me and mine 2 weeks after that.

A week had gone by after all this and me and her started hanging out a little. The first day she came over, for some reason, I was so nervous to make a move even just to kiss her. Yet months before I could have done it without a care and on the spot. I faked I’d kiss her and pulled back here and there, watched movies. Took her home later that night. The next day we hung out, this time I kissed her I wasn’t as nervous, I just didn’t want to make a mistake and ruin the amazing friendship we already had by starting something more. That kiss felt so right, I had no regrets at all. This had continued for a while. Stopped seeing each other for 3 weeks for reasons not stated. Never the less we started spending time together again. Things went right back to as if we we’re dating. I spent everyday with her, I picked her up without fail when she wanted me to. I took her out on dates all the time, movies, dinner, the beach, the mall. Anything she wanted to do or anywhere she wanted to go I would have taken her. I was falling in love with this girl more and more everyday.

There was a point though when an ex randomly contacted her asking if she would ever consider taking him back, that his gf at the time was breaking up with him tomorrow. I was upset because we we’re together and I didn’t want someone else to interfere with our relationship. When she said no he started talking suicide, started cutting himself, he even tried to kill himself by swallowing pills. She talked to him all the time because of it…. even more than she talked to me. I started to get worried that she still loved him, that she was thinking about taking him back. I got upset because I felt like he was more important to her. I was jealous even though I was the one with her. The last day of our relationship she asked if I wanted to go to a band competition with her and I was more than happy to go. A few hours later she re-asked stating she would understand if I didn’t want to go because there would be a lot of her friends that I wouldn’t know there. I made the mistake of wording my reply to sounds like I didn’t want to go when it meant to say if you don’t want me there then I’ll stay home. Her reply made me think she understood and we we’re still good to go. I was wrong and she alternative plans for a ride there and home.

When I come to pick her up I had this bad vibe that she was upset with me, and so was her family. So I sat in my car thinking of what I should do, how do I respond to what she says if she thought I meant I wasn’t going to go. She called before I expected it so I played it cool and when she said she already made plans for a ride from her friends mom I told her if she wants me to go I’ll still go, but if she doesn’t then fine I’ll go home. I heard a click, I looked at my phone. I thought to myself she hung up, I was furious so I backed my car up and tore off towards home. Within a minute my brain processed the possibility that it was a dropped call. Maybe she didn’t hang up, I pulled over and stopped, grabbed my phone and called… no answer, tried again ring…. ring…. voicemail…. she clicked end. I drove back. I saw a pissed off Mother. I didn’t know what to do, I honked my horn as she was about to get in the other vehicle. I wanted to get out and run up there but I didn’t want to fight with her family. I asked her mom what was going on and she said the same thing I already knew… she said she wouldn’t answer the call. Fear clicked in my head…. again… I tore off and drove as fast as I could to where this event was going on.

I called her best-friend on the way there, telling her I was worried, I didn’t know what was going on, I was afraid this was going to break us up if she didn’t at least let me know what was wrong so I could think about it and figure things out for myself. She said she’d call her and hung up. 10 minutes later I finally got a call back, got told she couldn’t reach her, there was too much noise and she couldn’t hear… she’d text me. I got no text… nothing. So I carried on towards the location of the event. Upon arriving I frantically looked for her to no avail for the first 5 minutes. I was there before them even though they left before me. Upon noticing her where I parked I ran towards her, upon arriving… she blew me off. Now I’m panicking… I’m begging her to at least let me know whats wrong…. why she’s so upset with me. Got told by another parent she wouldn’t allow me to ruin this year for her. Now I feel like I’m getting broke up with… but for what? Over a text that was misunderstood? The fact I still came to pick her up? I followed for a minute and still pleaded with her. I gave up and said fine…. if you won’t let me know what’s wrong won’t say anything to me…. walked up to her ear. I whispered “Your single” as I walked away I told her I meant it. Yet, I really didn’t I was just begging for her to let me in, to tell me what was wrong. I couldn’t handle the stress of the pressure. I was already having a terrible day and this event was the only thing I looked forward to. I tried to explain what happened with text… I tried to talk but it was like nothing was the truth. I reacted out of fear… and because of it I let go of the most important person in my life. Even if we couldn’t go back to being a couple, I would be satisfied with being best friends again. But right now, it feels like we’re friends less and less everyday.