okay so two years ago in middle school i was trying to decide which high school to go to, should i continue with magnet school, if so which one, or go to my zoned school. around this time one of my friends who is VERY pushy gets me into watching all these sci fi shows. she gets really hooked on this one called dollhouse and makes me watch it, then is determined that we should… i don’t even know what her plan was, but anyways, somehow it revolved around the psychology in dollhouse and her talking me into this one school for the program it had. and since i’m way too easily influenced and constantly seeking attention i listen and apply for the school two times out of the three chances i had to apply to magnet schools. my other possibility was this amazing nationally recognized school of the arts which i had to audition for. i auditioned, i got in, but i also got into the other one that my friend wanted to go to. decision time. my parents advise me to go to the arts school because, after all, violin is the subject i had actually shown interest in for longer than a month (around a decade at the time), but my friend is guilt tripping me telling me if i don’t go to the other one with her i’ll have left her alone and i can’t do that because she only applied because she thought i’d go and blah blah blah. after thinking about it for .2 seconds, i stupidly decided to go to the other school for the medical program with my friend. first day of school, we have no classes together. i don’t know anyone at the school from middle school except for like three people i never spoke to and don’t really like, and i don’t even have anyone from elementary school who i can stand near to not look so alone. anyways, i can’t make any friends. she is all i’ve got. i have my first class of orchestra. i start out in intermediate and show up to class, the teacher passes out material to have us play to see where we’ll sit. a week later, in my audition, he says i’m moving up to advanced orchestra, which changes my schedule. instead of being happy, my friend tells me that i ruined a days (we have block schedule and because of the change we no longer had lunch together on a days), but it ends up getting us math together so she “forgives me”. anyways, when i audition for a seat in advanced orchestra days later, i get sixth chair in first violins, meaning there are only five violinists in the school above me, and they’re all seniors. i didn’t get to tell my friend until weeks later cause she was too busy talking about this soccer game she had to play in. anyways, i pretty much ended up hating the school. i met this guy from middle school and started talking to him, but he ditched me halfway through the year. she was still the only friend i had at that point. i have no friends, i hate the school, the teachers are rude, the only thing keeping me here is i love orchestra, also my friend. the orchestra teacher decides he’s going to go work in a private school. my friend is moving cross country. i had precisely two people at this school that made me want to stay and they’re gone. but. my final playing test, the second semester exam. i play, and my teacher tells me “i’m leaving the orchestra up to you. not just advanced, all the other classes too. it’ll be hard with the new teacher, but i know you can do it. you’re smart, you’re talented. stop being so nervous all the time, because you can do whatever you try to do. i trust you.” in summary: my ‘friend’ who is probably the most self centered person i know, who gets stuck on something, and then lets it go in an instant leaving whatever casualties inflicted by her behind talked me into this f****** mess and then abandoned me. it’s really not her fault, this is her nature, and she has times where she’s really thoughtful and great, and i should have thought for myself, but now i’m stuck in this horrible uncomfortable position of being put in charge of something i don’t know if i can handle made up of people who have around 2 years more experience here than i do, who barely know me so how can i hold them together, not to mention the fact that i no longer have any support whatsoever. also by the way, around halfway through the year, around the time that guy ditched me i seemed to get this horrible overwhelming anxiety and met my friend’s emotionally crippled ex boyfriend who i now am practically dependent on cause he’s the only one who will talk to me and i’m sorry i just needed to vent this was really long and i know i shouldn’t but i kind of blame her for everything that s**** and has happened in the past year i’m sorry thanks to anyone who even read this