My father bends over backwards to help me and still I despise him. I feel so guilty but I can't stop the feeling of hatred and disgust that comes over me

12 years

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My father bends over backwards to help me and still I despise him. I feel so guilty but I can’t stop the feeling of hatred and disgust that comes over me when I see him. It is hard to find a single redeemable quality in him. I hate myself for feeling feelings close to hatred for him, and I know it is destroying him too. I, however, can’t stop it. I avoid any situation I can if I know he’s there and reply with a few words at a time. I don’t know how else to describe the feeling I get when I talk to him as anything but a nagging pain. I feel my heart become heavy and hard to breathe when I force myself to speak to him. I know it is completely wrong and I don’t understand why I feel the way I do but I just cannot stand him.

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Julia texted me today guys

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It doesn’t matter if you are not paying the bills due to no job and the other tenant moves an unauthorized tenant in and they pay the bills. They DO NOT have the right to disrespect your boundaries in your own home. You can’t let them control you over money. That’s just as stupid and bad as someone sneaking in a movie theater without paying and they think it gives them the right to be there because they paid for the candy at the concession stand. Do yourself a favor and work as hard as you can to get out and don’t have a thing to do with the manupulative,controlling b*stards.