I have held on to this for over 30 years. I made many bad decisions but, this one hurt many people I cared about and who considered me a friend.
I used to party a lot with my friends in nightclubs—I love great live music and dancing. Back then there was still plenty live music around but, I had my favorites. Let me back track a little. I’m an only child and my mom divorced my father when I was two and he died when I was 5. So, I always considered it a non-issue since I knew no other way. I had no idea girls/women like me grew up to have daddy issues and sought the attention and approval of men. I managed to have a couple of long relationships one in my late teens and the other in my mid twenties.
Eventually, my friends and I got to be very good friends with the girlfriends and band members of a group we loved. One of the guys had a very long term girlfriend who was a sweetheart and so much fun. But, he was unfaithful to her constantly. The leader of the band became like a big brother to me and he was protective in that gentlemanly way. We really were good friends. He told me things he couldn’t tell others–but, it always remained platonic. Eventually, came a time I was feeling very good about myself. I looked good, I felt great and I knew and felt a certain power. By this time I had known these guys 3 or 4 years. Never gotten involved with any of them. Now the one who was constantly unfaithful had me in his sights. Never did I expect this because he never noticed before, we were friends and his girlfriend was my friend. Did I mention at this time we were all indulging in drinks, pot, coke and my favorite at the time quaaludes. They took all my inhibitions away, made me feel s*** and amorous. Eventually, he caught me when I was high and willing. We were daring in the places we met but there were even times his girlfriend sent us out to a movie together. When I was high I had no conscience. It lasted for almost a year till another friend who knew about it—while she was on ‘ludes spilled the whole thing to his girlfriend. I got a call from his girlfriend the next day asking if it were true. I don’t remember what I said. But, for me it was the worst I ever betrayed anyone and I wish I could change it. They were a great group of people and I was lucky to once call them friends. How I wish I had stopped it before it began. It then seemed ugly and sordid and beneath me. It made me sick. And it was no one’s fault but my own.