i used to be pretty attractive. i got very fat in the last year or so. losing the volume of my hair. got ridiculous man b****. not fitting any of my old clothes. i get very surprised when i see new photos of myself.. i don’t recognise that person and i’m shocked to see how big i am now. at the same time, when i see older pictures i see how much thinner i was. what the hell was i worrying about? i was never fat?

i need some incentive to get my image back in check. but i think… why bother? i don’t like life at all… so what difference does it make to my life if i’m more attractive? i wasn’t happy before either.

i just feel so uncomfortable being this out of shape. i always felt like my image issues weren’t typically “masculine”… more “feminine”. i’m not sure if guys would get that, or girls eiether. i never have a good perspective on my body shape or my weight or my image. but i don’t like where i’m at now.