I’m ugly. And everyone seems to never forget to remind me that everyday. One thing that people adore is that I’m skinny. So I’m trying my hardest to hold onto that. I just ate once a day for 2 weeks, haven’t eaten anything more than a slice of bread in two days, and I skipped school for 3 days because my body couldn’t fuction properly and I needed some time alone.
I have this uncured disease, see, I was a straight A’s student, but my illness had made me missed a lot of school works and now I’m left really far behind. My teacher thinks that I’m just being lazy. My classmate didn’t help either, all they ever do was mocked or made fun about my illness. They call me attention seeking. They also judge and jump into conclusion quickly eventhough they don’t know the truth.
And also about my family. My dad has been ‘remarried’ for 6 years but he still refuse to divorce my mom properly. You have to know that it’s perfectly okay to have more than 1 wife in my religion (as long as you can afford the money to support both family), but his job doesn’t allow that, and since the job insurance listed my mom as his ‘legal’ wife, he keeps his mistress off the track. But still, he hasn’t come home for more than a month, and my mom has to work 3 jobs to support me and my brother since my dad totally abandoned us.
Last week was my 17 birthday, and it was one of the worst day ever. No one remembers my birthday, all I got at school was a girl told me that my face looks disgusting, a boy kicking my chair and a teacher yelled about my grades. And eventhough 4 of my old friends showed up at 9p.m and throw a little surprise, my other close friend said they couldn’t make it.
No one really reaches out for me, no one really cares. Or even if they did, they probably hate me now because I pushed everyone away. I’m a worthless attention seeking and I don’t deserve anyone’s worry. Not even my mom’s. She really loves me and I love her too but it just breaks my heart even more. I feel cold, numb, empty and I can’t even cry anymore. I want to die. But I can’t kill myself because again even if I die society would attack my mom for having such a fucked up dramatic kid who killed herself over small meaningless problem.

It’s true though, my problems are not serious but my mind is just so dark I can’t think of anything straight, that’s the reason I also self-harm.
I’m sorry.