12 years
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I almost slept with my boyfriends best friend. I still haven’t decided if I am going to or not. I want to, Jesus do I f****** want to… but I have a lot invested in this relationship. I let him finger me, and I f****** enjoyed the f*** out of it, I even went so far as to pass off a hickey that he left as one my boyfriend caused but couldn’t remember. As far as I am concerned I haven’t done anything I regret, I feel guilty because I am seriously considering f****** him anyway. He is also in a long term relationship, and I have no doubt that he will not leave his girlfriend. I don’t even really want him to, I know that he isn’t really my type we just sync on a level I haven’t felt before. I know I want him with a powerful hunger, and I have had dreams about him almost every night. It has only gotten worse since I slept with his girlfriend. the idea of trading girlfriends was brought up, but I shot it down because I knew that was what my boyfriend would want, but I lied thru my teeth. I want to, but I feel like the guilt would eat me alive.

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When I was in college my roommate was raped and murdered in a stairwell. I left that school and later completed my degree on line. I lived with my mother.

I had a long time jib working for a cupcake store. One random day a man stopped for a birthday cupcake for his secretary. I asked him if men still had secretaries. He asked if I had an education. Since I had a degree I could be his secretary, the birthday girl was moving.

The company offices had fifty people, mostly male, engineers. The other females were all young, dressed well, fawned over the men. Hired for their looks. I was hired for my looks, 22 blonde.

The man, he wanted a secretary who was affectionate to him. Kiss on the cheek every morning. Wore dresses, a little cleavage. A slap across the a** type of man. He kissed me in his office, felt me up and told me he was coming to my house. I told him I lived with my mother.

He showed up and my mother told me to serve him. He told her he was there for me. He saw me at the cupcake store and decided to marry me.

My mother asked Jim questions, like interviewing him for me. He passed, professional, manager, good job, but how did she know if he could father children. I got married anyways , fingers crossed.

Five years without children. Five years of keeping myself away from him. Five years of this and that girl. He turned 33, I either got pregnant or he would leave me.

Coercion. Blackmail. Forced to comply. It was as awful as I imagined. You only give up your virgin status once. It was awful. What can I say. He repeated it to make sure I got pregnant.

You see, my college roommate was my lover. When I lost her everything ended for me. I married him to please my mother. It’s awful, what can I say. I’m cheating on her memory. This child in me, if I have a girl I will name her after Cristina.