i have a girlfriend, see. and i love her and so i really hate myself for being in love with a second person. it’s this boy who is beautiful and at one point he said he liked me too, but it was after i started going out with my girlfriend, plus he’s overage and i’m not, so we couldn’t do anything. sadly, i feel like both are moving away from me and i suppose i deserve it because they are both wonderful people who i probably annoy, but i keep wishing that, just once, i could kiss that wonderful boy and it would be okay. they are both so special and i care about them both and i hate hate hate that i have to have my affections so split. i secretly hope she just reads my mind and breaks up with me because, even though i don’t act on those feelings toward him, she deserves someone who gives her their absolute attention. but i really do love her, so i can’t bring myself to break up with her. especially since the boy is going somewhere after he graduates and so i will probably never see him again after that.