12 years
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I am in love with my best friend, who is also my ex, who doesn’t reciprocate.

I have a child with another woman and we hate each other. We are together because of the child, we break up and get back together every other month. If we could afford to live apart, we would but a child is expensive.

My best friend/ ex still talk regularly. Sometimes she sends me nudes/ leads me on, but never anything more. I am convinced that the reason she doesn’t want a relationship with me is because of my weight, I’m not fit and I have an unhealthy addiction to fatty food. I weight 250 but i should weigh 180.

But I still have a doubt. If I lose all this weight, and my ex still doesn’t want me, then I’ll be left alone because – crazy as it sounds – the woman I have a child with only likes chubby guys. She’s made it very clear that she will leave me if I lose wight, even gone so far as to destroy my workout equipment (on “accident”)

I am trapped and miserable and Idk what to do. I hate that I love my ex because she’s shallow. But I don’t choose to feel this way. thinking about her is the only thing that makes me happy.

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .