I had a homicidal dream, my older sister and I planned to kill my mother while she was sleeping. I don’t know where she got the gun but she had it. We cracked open the door to my mother’s room. My mother was a deep sleeper so she didn’t move. My sister handed me the gun, I remember it being so heavy. I started having second thoughts about the whole thing. I didn’t want to shoot my mother. My sister leaned in close and wrapped her hand around mine, the one with the gun, and put the muzzle to my head. “If you don’t take at least on shot, I’m going to kill you too.”
She aimed the gun back at our mother.
My vision blurred. Panic flooded my thoughts while my sister smiled. I had always been the weaker one. I wouldn’t fight or raise my hand to anyone. Then again my sister wouldn’t want to kill anyone, especially Mom. It was so unlike us. This wasn’t me at all. There was a single deafening roar from gun that through me off my balance. Our mother didn’t move. My sister, who was not my sister, took the gun from my hands. I doubled over clutching my side but it was nothing. I thought I felt a surge of pain but it was just my nerves. I was fine.
She finished it.
And I just watched, too afraid of her to move. I hated my sister, I wanted to wring her neck! But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even hate her enough to call her a b****.
None of it was real. I tried desperately to wake up and when I did I crawled out of my sisters bed and into my mom’s in the other room. She asked me what happened to which I responded with a shaken, “I had a bad dream. I don’t even want to talk about it.”
She told me to pray and I did. Last year I thought of stabbing her with a knife, a thought that was not my own. “I could do it and nothing will happen to me” I was so disgusted. I love my mother I could never think that on my own and quickly expelled the thought.
The devil is a liar, and I am not a murderer.