I’ve fallen in love with someone I’m not supposed to. I’ve struggled with my marriage for over a decade: lacking s** life, schedule issues, jealousy, skepticism about my career ambitions, and basic domestic maintenance. All that time, I’ve held fast to the belief that I am a person of my word, loyal and honest. I thought the only reason to break up a marriage was over infidelity or abuse…. how naive I was to miss all the grey areas that creep in.

Things have gone wrong in ways that I can’t even identify, but I’ve always hung on and tried to do the right thing. Now that my partner is trying to make improvements (slow progress is progress, right?), I’ve suddenly had to face the fact that I have feelings for someone else. Not just one other person, but several who have been there for support. All I wanted was to be noticed, to be admired, to be desired and respected. I wanted someone to be passionate about me and about finding the excitement of life. Two of those people confessed to me in the last month that they are attracted to me as well. One of them is also married.

I feel like such a selfish person. I can’t figure out how to have the conversation to move past whatever this is… to make it better. I’m tired of the fantasizing, and knowing that I have “options” is making it worse… despite the progress my needs are still not getting met. I feel like I’ve cheated even though I haven’t actually done anything, and I hate myself for it…. for cheating as much as for denying myself for so long. I love my partner and care deeply, but am just not attracted anymore. And what if I leave and my feelings for the other person amounts to nothing more than just lusty frustration? Who else will I end up hurting in the process?