I just experienced a sort of epiphany, and I don’t know where it will take me next.

I have no part of my life figured out. I’ve applied to grad school, but I’m absolutely sure I’ve botched every application. I have a job, and it’s eating away at me, partially because I’m no good at it, partially because I see no reason to get attached to it. I don’t even live by myself. And yet whenever I look online, I swear on my nonexistent god, everybody wants someone who already has their life together. Someone who is probably in their mid-to-late twenties, knows what direction their life is headed in, and has actually had mature, real relationships. Yet I have no such experience, and do not know how to develop such things. I am a series of accidents riding on the wings of four years of college I didn’t deserve, and a roof which I don’t pay for, while all the while maintain a few friends for the sole reason that I am slightly better off than everyone thought I would be.

Therefore, no one will ever want me as I want them to want me.