I hate being visibly black. I am partially white, but that’s not apparent. I have to tell people that. My hair is slightly different (not very course) and next to very dark people I’m not dark. I’m medium brown, but I want to be lighter. I hate that so many statistics have blacks at the bottom despite some amazing achievements. Achievements seem to be the exception. And everyone hates us more than any other race. Despite my self-hatred, I wouldn’t want to be non-black, just visibly mixed (like so that people wonder what race I am) like Beyoncé, Leona Lewis, Rihanna types. Black and beautiful but mixed with light eyes and light skin. I am fascinated with attractive (not all are) light skinned/mixed blacks like Vanessa Williams. Obsessed. I want to be them. Maybe that’s why.