I seriously do not know how I am feeling now. I have a boyfriend who was abusive towards me. Since he tried to killed me so many times, I told myself I don’t love him. But I remained by his side. I tolerated all the physical, mental and verbal torture. I tried breaking up but unfortunately, he threatened me that he would kill me and my family if I do. When he does agree to breaking up, he will tell me to my face that he wants ALL the things he had given to me back; including his dead father! He blames me for everything. When it is not even my fault. Now, he claims he won’t do what he did to me in the past like how he used to extort money from me. But everyday, when we talk about things, MONEY IS ALWAYS involved. He cannot live without spending more than $50 a day. He degrade me. When I got my job, he keep “advising” me as if I will fail. He always use the phrase, “I am not putting you down but you got to do this.. do that.. do this..” There was love before. Now, I just don’t feel the love anymore. I cannot break up with him. It is not that I don’t want to. I desperately want him out of my life but I am afraid he will threatened me again. Tell my parents of the things I didn’t do. He is a good liar. A convincing one. No matter what he say, I convince myself that it is all lies. He may claim he will never do what he did to me in the past, but I have too many scars to prove otherwise. The worse scar I have ever gotten from him would be the scars left in my heart. I hope he dies naturally, so I won’t have to deal with him anymore..
What made it worse, I am beginning to have feelings for someone else………. I am slowly falling in love with this guy who doesn’t smoke, drink or do drugs.
Oh God.. please help me 🙁
