I am a student who have spent almost two years in Millennia Institute. (MI for short)
Basically its a school to help students reach getting an A-level cert.
Initially after my secondary school studies I found MI and was very grateful to be given a chance to pursue this higher studies.
I also wanted to make new friends, like a lot a lot of friends so I can have a huge social life.
However when I first entered my class, I wanted to fit into a group so badly I tried too hard. It backfired and instead, I could no longer communicate with this group naturally.
So I gave up trying to communicate with them, looked for alternative groups, found none. Reason being some groups are more towards “nerdy” or some more towards “cool”. I want to be with the cool guys, but yet I could not do so because of how insecure and introvert I felt around strangers. This desire to be with people was so huge, it was killing me.
At the end of a year, I made a terrible mistake. I always felt that people should respect me naturally, that they should befriend me just because of how good I am at studies. I mean I don’t even study and I score like better than average, while all other classmates take all opportunity to ask stupid and silly questions to waste time. Because they do not seem to acknowledge this about me, I assume they accept their fate of scoring badly. During our promotional exercise I went around asking the class what kind of scores they got.
Overall I scored top for the class I think, but I didn’t care about the scores for ME. I cared about how people react to it. This sent out a bad message to the class as I was seen as a bragging fucker who looked down on everyone. And hey, I agree. It was a terrible mistake, it was something I would not have done back in secondary school. I mean I had a robotics project with these people before, I gave a idea on how to run the damn thing properly but no, they used their own idea and of course it failed. So why, after all these evidence, do they not acknowledge me or accept me?
I realised whatever I’ve thought, and whatever i’ve done is “bad” . But is it wrong?
This class was a doomed vessel from the start. I couldn’t achieve whatever i wished for here.
A year later, I still yet to find a group of normal people in my class that could accept me. Basically lessons involve a boring session of the teacher repeating the same thing over and over, although we understood everything. or at least I.
To help with my social situation, I even purposely scored badly for my common test first to let people return me the favor. and one person did.
so the next major exam i scored well again, but this time i did not brag about it, yet it didn’t clear my name. People still hate me.
Looking around the classroom, I see people enjoying their social life and this makes me sour, bitter and just hopeless.
I feel pathetic. Lonely. I really wish i could change back to who I was , but this environment is poisonous.
I really want to get a life like my polytechnic friends.
So yeah. Confession of a MI student. 2013.