My problem is, I get the feeling he wants to be with me because I make him happy, and when he thinks of us, he thinks of me making him happy. I don’t know

13 years

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My problem is, I get the feeling he wants to be with me because I make him happy, and when he thinks of us, he thinks of me making him happy. I don’t know if he thinks about making me happy. If he ever thinks about cheering me up if I feel bad. It’s bad of late, like that day he told me being upset is ‘knowing you may never have grandkids’. I understand what prompted him to say that, but he could have been more fair. I wish he was more fair. I wish he didn’t see me as an outside entity, but that’s what I feel like now. I feel scared now of talking to him. I feel scared of showing anything but my good side.
I like making him happy, but sometimes, I run out of the intrinsic happiness. And I fear, these days XYZ might be better talking company than I am to him. I hate that he still talks to her despite knowing how uncomfortable I am with it. And after what she’s said about him.
Sometimes I hate him so strongly it scares me. I don’t want this. I want us to be happy. I want to be able to make him happy and help him be strong. I want to be with him. I know that so strongly. And I want this horrible mood to go away. Because I promised myself and God I’d be strong enough for him. I have to be, for him, for myself, for my family. I can handle it. Seeing them happy, will eventually make me feel much better. For now though, I need to banish these evil thoughts. I have to be happy.

New Confession

taking a shower with my dad in the celler after work , i said to him dad you are soo much larger than me can i touch it? yes rub it softly he said i did and it got larger the skin had pulled back he was rubbing my lil one he drew me loser said leanover and s*** it softly , i got excited i was trying to s*** it it was too large, he pulled my headdown and whispered now s*** it son softly no teeth/ i had the head in my mouth he was holdingthe back of my head he was moving it now in my mouth . u like it dont you yes dad alot please let me s*** u daily in this shower? yes but u must empty it first u need to emoty it u understand? u must swollow it all no wasting it. hev was moving in my mouth holding my headb gaging me now. then a large amount of was cream leaked in my mouth he held my head tight i was gagging hesaid swolow it all now your my lil, botch now arent you u need it dont you.. i mumbled yes dad please let me do this every day,he said a few times a weekyour sister needs her turn also. i fraked out you mean lil kimmey does this to you also, ys and shes very greatfull if i lick her lil p**** to. oh god id lve to also lick her. shewll s*** u soon will u like that , id die firtat dad thank you, u like to watch us dad?yes no fooling arround without me here u understand, oh i promise dad ii knelt and sucked his c*** for him, again,

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