The likely collapse of my arrangement with mrk has my partner ed very nervous for reasons I will confess. I have explained to him that I need a s***** outlet, but do not want to go for one night stands or hookups; I am in no way looking for a lover replacement. I am just looking for a s** thing with someone in a similar situation and there could be more activities like going to gym or movies. The bottom line is that as a gay man ed satisfies my needs as far as being loving with a man; it is not like the situation that mrk has with cth where she is a straight woman and he is a gay man married to her–so mrk definitely needs more than just s** from a man, something his wife cth does not accept.
I told ed today that I will be meeting a guy, but ed has responded with some anger and is now talking of meeting a fellow he met on line. The problem is that while I see meeting the other guy as purely a complementary arrangement to my permanent relation with ed, ed is looking at the other guy as a possible lover replacement. This would create great problems as I am in no way looking for a lover replacement, just a person I can have a little s** with.
In the past few days ed and I have taken an unusually volatile path in our relation. This has been largely caused by the apparent collapse of the arrangement that we were planning with mrk. In the past 3 nights I have been extremely angry and have spoken in a very loud tone to ed something he does not like. I suspect part of the reason for my behavior is the anger I feel at mrk for having broken our plans in order to honor the request of his straight wife cth that he not love a man, something he knows he will never be able to do as he is a gay man in deep need of intimacy with another man. The tragedy of the situation is that as a result of the collapse of our relation both mrks relation with cth and my relation with ed has taken a turn for the worse. Cth’s irrational approach is seriously undermining the long term stability of both my relation with ed, and her relation with mrk.
I honestly do not see mrk being able to establish an arrangement with another man that will honor cth’s strict demands. cth is a straight woman married to a gay man and that is a very tough water to navigate unless a highly creative approach is embraced. The approach necessitates extremely good communication and a rational and playful way punctuated by extreme honesty and not by one partner playacting for the other in order to feed delusions.
Ed and I had an exchange of words this morning and I made it very clear that any outside relation he is involved in should not be seen as a lover replacement arrangement.
One thing that angers me is how much work I did to make mrk my side relation and I even got ed to accept him as a friend, something that was not easy. Ed even thinks of mrk now as a nice person and would like him as a friend. This took a lot of work on my part. Now he is being asked to accept another person to replace mrk as my buddy. Ed is not reacting well to this. He is angry and I understand his position. Last night ed spoke well of mrk and voiced how much he likes him.
Will keep you posted.
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