No matter how many times people say: you can find a girl one day maybe and it’ll all change.
I don’t believe that gayness can be swayed so easily. Not even other guy’s make my heart throb as much as you do.
No girls or even guys or anyone else trans or like me can sway my heart towards your gravity. I know when love is true love. We were made to be. And please promise to never break away. Because I love you. And it’ll hurt if I see you with another man. I – want to be that man. I don’t care if I’m trans or intersexed or asexual or different in other ways. I may be somewhat clumsy … it is because I found you distracting that I forgot what I’m doing half the time. I sometimes think of you so much I even get lost playing. Forgetting that I still have a tempo and composer to follow. Because I end up in my own fantasy thinking of you, make the song sound like you. My love for you that is. My professor tells me that my playing has gotten better recently. I think it is because of you. I play more lovingly and gently when I think of you. I want it to reach you, whether you are in Guelph, Ottawa, India, Toronto, anywhere. Please don’t avoid my love as others have. But I will let you go if you do. Because I love you so much that even when you hurt me I will do nothing to hurt you. Because I truly love you that much. let me be in pain for free, and you can do anything to me my soul, my heart, my memories. I let you take it all. Since you have won it all already it has been yours from the first day. I love you. And my, oh my heart couldn’t stop beating madly all night that day. Sleeping next to you I kept tossing around nervously and yes, it was a nightmare wreck trying not to lose it. I fought to keep my mouth from blurting out loud “I love you.” But I think you heard it when I whispered in my sleep. You smiled a bit. It was cute . …And I can’t believe we almost contacted each other when we both faced each other that night in bed. I was so embarrassed, seeing your sleepy face so close to me. I hid under pillows. I had to control myself. I don’t do s***** things to others as you noticed. I didn’t do anything s***** to you because we didn’t consent. I would at most just bury my red blushing face under blankets and pillows hoping you wouldn’t see it. From the first day I saw you on Grindr I was head over heels over how cute you were in your yellow tie and oboe. You looked like a true musician and I knew we were meant to be. Do you know anime by any chance? if you ever watched that music anime, “Your lie in April”, you could say that we were like Kaoni and Arima. And I wonder if that was a lie you told that day… but it worked and it drew me to you. Despite not looking for lab work with your uncle. I loved how proper and unsexualized you were while we talked. I’m glad you weren’t sexualizing my transgender identity. I’m happy that for once someone was truly so respectful and so open minded and almost caressed it all like they didn’t matter or affect your views of me. I’m glad I met someone as great as you are. All this love and BL we make it reminds me of a Thai drama instead of a Korean drama.mostly because k dramas are too hetero to be us…Which works tbh, since we aren’t clearly… We are like the Phun and Noh of lovesick. Almost like we by accidentally drawn to each other. I really hope one day you find this post, but even so, I have a slight wish you won’t because my childish self still fears a chance of rejection. This is my love confession to you. part 2. And I don’t want to lose you. I really do love you. Please hear my call to you when I play for you this April at school. I want you to hear it. I want you to see it, to read it. Read me. read my playing. I hope you can read inbetween lines… of the beautiful Debussy piece, I’m about to play to you. And yes, it is romantic so that ellipsis should say something already. You taught me that word , did you know that? Ever since you said that word now I can’t stop using it. This crush is that deep indeed. I will let this ring loud and clear so you won’t miss it. I won’t force you to love me back but I still want you to know that I love you. You can decide whether to love me back whenever you want or not at all and reject it completely. I will understand. But I still want to let you know. You are the one I love. I may see other guys as hot etc, but you are the only one in my heart. You are the one I only think about. Please understand, and just being friends with you is all you want is fine by me. I just hope you won’t leave me completely. I .. love you, K. – E.

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