Growing up I was generally known as my sisters sister or my brothers brother. I was very shy, very nerdy, I basically kept to myself unless I was around my “friends”. My friends tended to run me over since I was such a nice person. I laughed it off, but inside I felt so bad, because they made me feel like I was not as smart as them. I was also the only black one in the group, so I was scrutinized by people even family, for “acting white” and not liking to hang out with black people. Which was not true, I just developed a relationship with my friends earlier, and I just felt more comfortable. I was hurt by many people I called friends and began to stop being as loyal. I became very promiscuous at 14 and now at 21 I have been with over 25 men. I constantly feel shame because I feel I can never escape the s*** I used to be. The attention I got from sleeping around made me feel wanted and made me feel like I had more control. I only ended up being the fool because now I hardly ever speak to anyone from my hometown and many people do not like who I used to be. I also feel I have a learning disability or ADHD which makes it hard to connect with others and learn new things at school/work. I’ve gone from job to job, because people find it difficult and get upset very often with me because I can not accomplish my work adequately. This discourages me and I usually end up quitting. Other than being with my boyfriend, I feel very alone. I don’t talk to my dad or mom very often, or really anyone about much. I just want to overcome all of this shame and be happy with who I am, but as for now, I’m constantly shackled to the horrifying truth that is my past.