I have many male friends. Some of my male friends have girlfriend and I usually became the reason they fought. 1 time, one of my male friend break-up

13 years

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I have many male friends. Some of my male friends have girlfriend and I usually became the reason they fought. 1 time, one of my male friend break-up because of me. One of my male friend too have been forbidden to contact me by his girlfriend. Too jealous I think. But then, these was all long past. I promise myself to now hurt their girlfriend anymore. I don’t want to be hurt.

When I got my new job, there’s a very handsome man in my company. Since we have to work together, one day he asked me out for a coffee. I said yes. This goes on twice. We talk like we’ve known each other forever. One day, he confessed that he’s married with one child! I am really shocked! This is serious you guys! He.is.married.

SO, I promise myself, I may end up relationships, but I will not end up marriage. But then, it’s not a crime to look at his face and admire God’s creation right?

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i want to end myself and i have suicidal thoughts thinking how should i die (i often think about hanging) and i imagine myself when i am doing the deed. i have fallen quite low and it is hard to stand up again. i have been having family issues (mainly with my dad) aside from my own personal problems. even if i vent this to someone, i know that their words are not enough. it is unfortunate for me that i got the miserable version of life haha… maybe if i was more pleasant, people would’ve treated me differently and my father wouldn’t even verbally abuse me. i have been like this for months now. some days i feel better but once triggered, everything comes back and i am miserable again. i really don’t want this life and the urge to end it is very strong. i have fallen out of my faith in God so to end this all, i think i should end the root of everything which is me because i realized that i might be the problem. that is all.