I’ve been cheating on my boyfriend for a month with a slightly older guy I met through a dating website. This will be the third guy that I’ve participated in intimate relations with, while still officially dating my boyfriend. I don’t understand why I do this – maybe i like the thrill, the excitement, the secret, the feeling of being desired. But now i have become dissatisfied with both – I’m always looking for something more. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to find true and stable love because of my own fault, my own selfishness and restlessness. My current boyfriend, he’s so nice and great, but I’ve gotten too familiar with him, everything has gotten to be the same, and now we’re in a semi-argument over something silly. The guy I’m seeing doesn’t know about my boyfriend, of course, but I don’t know how long I can hide it. I can’t stop comparing the two of them, their looks, heights, habits, etc. etc. I need to work all of this out in myself, be more secure in my own skin, and be honest and open. I don’t want to live entangled in lies forever. But on top of all of this, I think I’m Christian, so I feel even more guilt. I think God will condemn me to hell for my transgression. But I also wanted to experiment and trespass, so to speak, test out the limits of my own conscience and morality. I don’t know. I just want to be loved, I want to love. Why am I doing all of this?