12 years
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I fell in love 7 years ago with a guy I know I cannot be with. We had a fling for 3 months before he called it off. Shortly after, I started dating one of his friends and now, almost 7 years later, he and I are engaged to be married. I don’t know if I can go through with this….my fiance is overseas right now and the time apart has allowed me to think with an unclouded mind. Our time apart was supposed to be a trial separation anyway, but even so I feel guilty for coming to this realization.

I still love him, the guy from the fling. I wanted to tell him, and there was even a day where I asked him if we could talk. We sat in near silence for over an hour, my heart racing, and I just couldn’t get the words out. A few weeks later he apologized and said he couldn’t be in our relationship anymore (if you can call it that). What kills me inside is we’re still friends, I still see him, and I see him happy with his current girlfriend. Hell, her and I are good friends too. When I see him, every part of me screams out to tell him, but I smile and laugh and hug him back and fake my way through every hang out. I want to tell him that he holds a part of my heart in his hands that I’ll never get back. The raw, ragged, wild and free part of my heart that cries out to be loved back.

I don’t know how to tell my fiance that I’m not sure of us any more. We’ve had a wonderful 7 years together but we want different things. He lives in a fantasy world whereas I’m grounded in reality (and happily so). I’ve never told this to a single soul, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. 🙁

New Confession

I remember we were both 16 I believe or she was older. No, she was a senior in high school and I was a sophomore. I knew her because we talked most of his time but at the same time I remember months later, she walked me down the steps and broad daylight in our apartment and that’s the first time I got my s** experience for my girl and I remember she was bending down I saw her with no p****** and I remember she got down after she bend over I said please get up and I said what are you gonna show me and she got done she put on my pants and she said you’re hairy and I said I know I am I forgot to shave and s***. I got hard and she said you have a huge c*** and I said I know I do I said I did them with it not that much and she started sucking it and giving me a h******* and it was nice. I don’t know if I peed or I come I don’t remember, but that’s when her little brother caught us and I said oh s*** we’re in trouble dude and I said please get up and her mom was there too like damn we’re fucked and we went to go back to the apartment and I’m like damn pain of shame and I’m was about to slapper and the siblings and her brother was there and I said kids go to the kitchen or go upstairs please dude I don’t know man go to the kitchen or go upstairs please dude thank you and the mom said listen to me while I’m talking to you and I said ma’am, you don’t have to your daughter and she was about you and I defend her and I’m saying ma’am don’t hit your daughter please and she said oh and I said no we’re not in love or anything it would just have fresh experience that’s all but I never only texted her once I said do you hey do you remember the black cat in our apartment and that’s it and she texted back saying what do you mean and I said do you know the cat and and no, and we just talked after that, but we didn’t do anything. Nothing like that then she said call my mom and I said I don’t know where she live and she said yeah you do and I called my mom and my mom was about to hit me. She got mad and s*** and I said mom don’t hit me. Hey don’t hit me please what’s wrong with you? We’re teenagers for once and we got caught and this is public disobedience I understand we probably traumatized that child but what I’m saying is it so forget what happened today and never speak of it again

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