I fell in love 7 years ago with a guy I know I cannot be with. We had a fling for 3 months before he called it off. Shortly after, I started dating one of his friends and now, almost 7 years later, he and I are engaged to be married. I don’t know if I can go through with this….my fiance is overseas right now and the time apart has allowed me to think with an unclouded mind. Our time apart was supposed to be a trial separation anyway, but even so I feel guilty for coming to this realization.

I still love him, the guy from the fling. I wanted to tell him, and there was even a day where I asked him if we could talk. We sat in near silence for over an hour, my heart racing, and I just couldn’t get the words out. A few weeks later he apologized and said he couldn’t be in our relationship anymore (if you can call it that). What kills me inside is we’re still friends, I still see him, and I see him happy with his current girlfriend. Hell, her and I are good friends too. When I see him, every part of me screams out to tell him, but I smile and laugh and hug him back and fake my way through every hang out. I want to tell him that he holds a part of my heart in his hands that I’ll never get back. The raw, ragged, wild and free part of my heart that cries out to be loved back.

I don’t know how to tell my fiance that I’m not sure of us any more. We’ve had a wonderful 7 years together but we want different things. He lives in a fantasy world whereas I’m grounded in reality (and happily so). I’ve never told this to a single soul, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. 🙁