14 years
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I’m now in college, but back in junior year of high school, I had cheated on the very first test in my IB World History class, over some material we were supposed to study over the summer(I said f*** that, basically). I wrote down the info on a few small sheets of paper to use during the test… thing is, it proved tough to keep things inconspicuous during the test. The teacher wasn’t exactly all rainbows and sunshine either. I did the same thing on other tests before, but the thing is, I wasn’t caught those times.

My idiot self rushed to turn it in… with one of those papers in my hand, which the teacher quietly confiscated. In the end, I flat out lied to everyone I knew about it. I was worried what they’d think of me. I’m normally the kind of guy that’d never do such a thing, the quiet, smart one. (Well, others found out about it anyway, whether they told me or not).

But you know what? They can think whatever they damn well please. I cheated on this test. I cheated on other tests. I’ll point you to some past history tests dammit(It’s always been history too, I don’t remember places/dates well). No one should feel tied down by what others think of them. F*** that.

I’ll be straight as an arrow now… I’ll come to eat those words soon enough, but it’s a step.

Be more open. Be more free. The truth will always set you free. More than any LIE ever will.
Hell, I’ve probably lied more times than I can count for these same reasons. Maybe not in what I say, but how I act… But I’m me, you’re you, your mom is your mom in the end. Better I let things go and be honest. I can only count myself blessed that I learned this lesson before I fucked up somewhere else where it’d truly hurt more than just me…

New Confession

Many mornings i sit on my front porch with coffee and a cigarette as a relaxing way to watch the world wake up. This morning i was doing so with the residual taste of the male runner i orally please (usually weekly but sometimes more frequently) still clinging in my throat. An older couple was on ther morning walk today, i see them occasionally. She was the usual casual wave and good morning but he did not even glance my direction. She called him out on it and told him to at least say good morning, and they were on their way again. As they walked away he turned and looked back at me with an uncertain ezpression on hia face I hope she did not give him grief later, because i know why he was acting awkwardly. About six weeks ago he made his first visit to my back yard shed to take his own pleasure in my mouth. It was actually emotional for him because he had not gotten any relief in a very long time. I told him he was welcome any time. But like many older married men he was truly suffering the guilt and shame of taking his pleasure in a man’s mouth and for being unfaithful to his wife. But naturally after getting the incredible pleasure i gave him as i reverently worshipped his hard hungry male flesh…he told me during and after that he had no idea such pleasure existed…his guilt and remorse and shame got to him and after a couole of weeks i assumed he would never return. But sure enough, i eventually saw him on a morning solo walk and he came up to me unable to even speak or ask, and i simply had him follow me to my back yard shed and without speaking i gave him what he needed again. And of course afterwards despite his enjoyment in the moment, he was in tears again and said he could never do this again. But a week later, he was back for more. Then again a few days after that This is where we are at as i saw him on his walk with his wife this morning. I have sincere empathy for his inner crisis, and he kmows if he comes back for more he will get it time and again. I know it sounds arrogant but i know eventually he will come back again and again. Not because i am conceited but because i simply know men and the type of man that seeks what i give them on my knees. He will come back because they all do eventually this is simply how some men get what they need and i enjoy giving it to them for a host of reasons…..from the diary of a closet neighborhood cocksucker

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