I am such a stupid person. Such a horrible person. And I now live with a sin! No, I didn’t kill anyone.
The point is, I got my cousin’s son in every single period I have at school. We are close and all. I even told him I cut. And yesterday he destroyed my razor. If I didn’t give it to him, he said he will start cutting himself. And he destroyed my razor into 2 pieces and then into 4, and when I pleaded for him to just give it to me to make one last cut, he threw it down the stairs and I couldn’t pick it up. It was so small. And today he almost caught me doing it again-trying to do it again-and then we had a fight about it.
Then he didn’t even want to listen to me and listen to what I have to say.
But the sin is, that I now have a crush on him. And that’s not normal. That’s not right. I’m crying because of him now! I want him to know that I need him!
I told him about this on Tuesday and he didn’t tell anyone. What he did yesterday, surprised me. I always thought that the only person who could fix me was my ex. My ex and I don’t get along anymore. And now I saw that my cousin’s son is the only one who can save me. But here’s another twist!
He was there when I needed him. He cried with me from 4 PM to 9PM. He was there! And now I feel like he’s just going to leave me like a dog! It’s like he was there when I was cutting and I promised I won’t do it again, and today he looked like he doesn’t care anymore! But he did! When he caught me, he was serious and he walked away, not even trying to listen to me. And now I feel like he’s going to leave me all alone again.
He’s the only one who can save me! The only one who can fix me! The only one who can bring back the light in me! And I am still recovering from all of this and I need him now more than ever! If he leaves me, I’m going to go down the wrong road again. And I want him to know that! And I just think he’ll be annoyed by me with this!
I have been crying for 30 minutes now and nobody even understood me! All of my friends know that I have a crush on that guy, and they thought I’m crying because he doesn’t love me that way. But that wasn’t the big reason I was crying for!
4 reasons why I was crying were:
Thinking he’d leave me all alone (this was the biggest reason)
Him not loving me back the way I love him (that was the smallest reason)
Having no more hope on life
Trying to attempt suicide today!
I am so sorry that I’m a b****, that I’m fat even when people tell me I’m not, sorry for being a mess, sorry for being a misunderstood person, sorry for being a w****, sorry for being a s***, sorry for being annoying and sorry for saying sorry all the f****** time!
Please help me! I really don’t know what to do anymore!