????????
I am so lonely. I am a man with no country, no people and no home. I am not welcome in my parent’s home or my own. At age 28, I have no job, no education and most importantly…no respect. Yes I have sinned in the past but I try hard each day to regain everyone’s trust.
My wife is the biggest punch line in the joke that is my marriage. She doesn’t understand me. She says I am cold and emotionless but that is far from the truth. I am really sensitive but the constant emotional abuse causes me to shut down my body language. I learned to shut down my emotions at SJHS.
Everyday from the 3rd grade until graduation I was bullied. I was a computer nerd with bad breath and awkward social skills just trying to fit in. Crying about being bullied only made it worse so I hid my emotions through a blank stare I give people when they attack me emotionally. I still feel every negative comment like a knife through my stomach but I never show the hurt. This is why my wife thinks I’m not emotional because my blank stare has been perfected with years of practice.
After high school I wanted to join the Navy because my parents didn’t discuss college with me like they’ve done with my older brother Chris. Chris was the cool older brother I wish I could’ve been at the time but in reality Chris is an alcoholic, gambling, college drop-out that my parent have invested tens of thousands into for nothing. So instead of seeing my potential my parents avoided college with me.
I didn’t have many options so I signed up for the navy and had to wait a year before basic training. During that year I tried to f*** as many females as I could in a year long bachelor party minus the wife.
Pregnancy is the logical outcome and not only do I get one girl pregnant but another gets pregnant only a few months later. I decided to stay home and try to be a father.
I get a job and work very hard until I land a better job. I lied to this job and told them I had graduated college already and I meet a friend from the past. I fell in love instantly and told her about my past and that I contracted herpes. She accepts me enough to still have s** with me and here comes baby number 3. I save my money and try to get my own place but I’m broke and then that’s when I meet a friend that tells me how much money I can get from a student loan. Now a $4,000 check seemed really good at the time so I signed up for school and received a nice check. I took that check and got a very nice townhouse and furnished it all with my student loan. I moved my current girlfriend in and our newborn child.I lost that townhouse after 13 months. The next few years I am back and forth between my parents home and my own apartments that never last until I am finally evicted from Woodmere Apartments.
During my time at Woodmere Apartments I started my own company, FG Inc. I was fired from a good paying job because it was in conflict with my business.
FG fails less than a year later. After FG fails I suffer a series of financial blows, and I file for bankruptcy.
Penniless I search for job without any luck. I get into drug dealing and create a counterfeit promethazine with codeine elixir that sells quickly. I regain some income and independence but I still have no home.
My ex-girlfriend and mother of my
3rd child moves me in and after 3 months she kicks me and my oldest son out over a misunderstanding. She then moves another man in who was a mutual acquaintance.
Months later, my ex-girlfriend changes her mind and asks me to come back and I do. I quickly propose and we get married Sept 12th. Less than a month later she stays out all night and I’m convinced she cheated on me. She pawned her ring after a fight with me over where she had been all night and I flat her tires.
So here we are, my life really s**** and nothing I do will make it any better.