I want to kill myself. I just want to not be here anymore.

I gave my body to someone who then gave me herpes who yesterday told me I was ugly and that I should go kill myself.

My life has been a c********** of holding on to various traumas but this is too much too handle. I am afraid for my mother, however. I know it would kill her. But I don’t have very many reasons to be here.
I’m an only child.
People have and continuously denigrate my appearance.
My friends all seem to be closer to one another than me i.e. I am continuously left out of everything.
I am the ugly friend.
I have always had to fend for myself in my own ugly, little bubble.
But this is enough.

As if it wasn’t hard enough to love me, God throws a venereal disease into the mix. My first s***** encounter (there was no vaginal penetration) leaves me scarred for life. I don’t want to be here.