I dated a girl in the late 80’s for a couple of years. She eventually dumped me when she fell for someone else. I had carried a torch for her for a long time but met another girl, fell in love and got married. I have been married for over 20 years.

Several years back, my wife and I had some issues and she slept with a person I considered a friend. I struggled to regain the trust and love but I no longer love my wife. I don’t hate her. I just don’t love her and I can no longer allow myself to have s** with her. I can’t even say “I love you” to her face without feeling like I’m swallowing my own heart.

I found out that my ex-girlfriend recently separated from her husband and I noticed that her Facebook profile, which was always blocked to me, is now completely open to me and I can see everything she posts. She has posted things that remind me of things that we experienced or would talk about when we were together.

I feel like I’m fooling myself by reading too much into her posts and trying to figure out if it’s just my imagination or if she’s really doing that intentionally to see if I will contact her.

I feel like I love her but my brain tells me that I only love the girl she used to be. She and I were in our late teens at the time and I wonder if I am “in love” with a ghost of a girl that no longer exists.

I don’t know what to do.

I am planning on ending my marriage at some point in the new year but I cannot allow myself to believe that there is such a thing as “destiny” and I will assume that I will just be another single dad, lonely and alone, while trying to comfort my kids and convince them that life will be alright, yet not totally believing it myself.